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Tuesday 1 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

#20436604
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55690) - you deserved it (4358)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm - misc - by apparentlythereisnokarma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44130) - you deserved it (14630)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

#20438439
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53995) - you deserved it (4997)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, I started charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognized my iPhone as an MP3 player and started playing the audio from the porn video I watched before we left. Everybody heard. FML

#20443608
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11919) - you deserved it (42169)

On 01/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML

#20437796
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41748) - you deserved it (4370)

On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband reacted by going out and smoking weed, then getting completely shitfaced, and having his buddies drag his nearly-comatose carcass back home from a strip club. FML

#20442898
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28509) - you deserved it (4931)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:56pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Groningen)

Today, my son sprayed Axe body-spray all over the house in the vain hope of covering up the scent of the joints he'd been smoking. FML

#20446338
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31922) - you deserved it (4925)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, in an elaborate plan to finally meet my cute neighbor, I convinced my friendly mailman to switch up our mail so I'd have an excuse to meet her. After I delivered her mail, I waited for her to mention that she had my mail, but she never did. I even saw her take it out of her mail box. FML

#20446490
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12672) - you deserved it (36016)

On 01/07/2013 at 4:39pm - love - by james88 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my wife is pregnant and sick. She switches from sobbing she's sorry for that, to blaming me for "doing this to me." On top of that, I have half her symptoms now: throwing up and crying for no reason. This will be a long 9 months. FML

#20443596
150 comments

Today, I got fired from my job because I "look too grumpy." FML

#20437963
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31875) - you deserved it (9909)

On 01/02/2013 at 2:28am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38130) - you deserved it (7429)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I discovered after 11 months, my girlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discovered this by walking in on her and one of my friends. FML

#20448085
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60189) - you deserved it (4531)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37651) - you deserved it (4082)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved



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