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Saturday 29 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

#20418714
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50039) - you deserved it (27222)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML

#20426821
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36622) - you deserved it (26721)

On 12/27/2012 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by ohman (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I had to beg my husband not to shave his pubic hair into a handlebar moustache. FML

#20442876
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22543) - you deserved it (4086)

On 01/04/2013 at 7:31pm - love - by marisa (woman) - Ireland (Carlow)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17034) - you deserved it (38460)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friend put my phone number on Craigslist. I still can't find the ad, but obviously everyone else can because I still haven't stopped receiving naked pictures. FML

#20419133
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35843) - you deserved it (3617)

On 12/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Chanman1924 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

#20427233
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34684) - you deserved it (6649)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:03am - kids - by UngratefulBrat - United States (New York)

Today, while my girlfriend was playing a game on my phone, an unknown number sent me a nude picture and the words "Miss you, baby." This person's mistake just cost me a black eye, and probably my relationship too. FML

#20427797
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43246) - you deserved it (4145)

On 12/28/2012 at 12:33pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I was walking in the park, when a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach. He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off. FML

Today, someone sent my boss a CD full of documents for an upcoming trial. It's my job to sort through the evidence, so he gave it to me. I looked on the CD. There's only one file; a 1020-page PDF of all the documents we need, and the pages weren't scanned in order. FML

#20441300
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31897) - you deserved it (2334)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:36pm - work - by fucked five ways to friday (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I learned that toddlers cannot fully digest raisins. I learned this first-hand when my 15-month-old began pooping them whole. In the bathtub. FML

#20442461
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22113) - you deserved it (7249)

On 01/04/2013 at 11:59am - kids - by Raela (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I'm sharing a hotel room with co-workers on a business trip. The walls are paper-thin, you could hear a pin drop, and I'm trying to make my explosive diarrhea as close to silent as possible. FML

#20431241
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36980) - you deserved it (2716)

On 12/30/2012 at 1:14am - work - by avoid the sour cream - United States

Today, my boyfriend discovered that if he flicks my clitoris just right, my legs both twitch spastically regardless of arousal level. He thinks it's hilarious and can no longer take sex seriously. FML

#20423881
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44825) - you deserved it (5244)

On 12/26/2012 at 4:20pm - intimacy - by geewhy (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML

#20424687
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38072) - you deserved it (3054)

On 12/26/2012 at 11:03pm - misc - by hborkowski (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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