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Friday 28 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after ranting to my boyfriend about how Pandora bracelets are pointless and cliched and that I'd never spend that kind of money on a tiny charm, he gave me my Christmas present. It was a Pandora bracelet. FML

Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML

#20439162
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30315) - you deserved it (13394)

On 01/02/2013 at 6:38pm - misc - by Les Miserables is so sad (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

#20434205
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35902) - you deserved it (3716)

On 12/31/2012 at 3:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, while going on a jog through the countryside, I discovered that it is actually possible outside of crappy TV shows to have a rifle leveled at you, and to be shouted at to, "Get off my land." FML

#20432522
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20002) - you deserved it (16073)

On 12/30/2012 at 6:48pm - misc - by fuckinghicks (man) - United States

Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML

Today, my roommate stumbled in drunk at 5am with 3 Big Macs, and passed out on the floor after eating them. This happens almost every night. I stay in, study, work, and go to the gym almost everyday. And she still has better grades, a better body, and makes more money than me. FML

#20436604
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51261) - you deserved it (3943)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:00pm - misc - by apparentlythereisnokarma - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

#20425068
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18860) - you deserved it (24744)

On 12/27/2012 at 1:46am - health - by pipefitter28 (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to a concert with my girlfriend. Some guy grabbed her ass, and I tried to fight him. I ended up with a concussion and a messed up jaw. Her? Oh, she beat the shit out of him while I was unconscious. FML

#20435818
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40172) - you deserved it (13521)

On 01/01/2013 at 5:30am - health - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51176) - you deserved it (7004)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33941) - you deserved it (3748)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML

Today, I was cleaning one of my disabled clients because he pooped himself, so I started to undress him for a shower. I took his dirty diaper off and set it on his bed, then I bent over to take off his socks at which point he put the diaper on my head like a hat. FML

#20438439
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49819) - you deserved it (4589)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17892) - you deserved it (49796)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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