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Friday 28 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15213) - you deserved it (35130)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went shopping. At the counter, the cashier startd flirting with me an askd me for mah number. He was cute, so I gave it to him. After looool walking out of the store, I got a text that said, "I didn't want to say it out loud, but your pants r unzippd." mega FML

#20427288
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37465) - you deserved it (5228)

On 12/28/2012 at 2:49am - misc - by Ren - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking in the park,hen a kid ran up and hit me in the stomach!! He said, "Don't get mad, get glad!" and ran off!! FML

yesterday mah brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

#20421301
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26168) - you deserved it (3017)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by everore - United States (Utah)

Today, my boyfriend calld me anti-social. To prove him wrong I textd one of my friends. She textd back, "Who's this??" big fat FML

#20442068
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19791) - you deserved it (7170)

On 01/04/2013 at 1:18am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today during te countdown to midnigt I looked fir ma girlfriend so I could kiss er as 2013 began. I found er just in time to see er making out wit some guy se swore was "only a friend." FML

#20435586
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45422) - you deserved it (3243)

On 01/01/2013 at 2:50am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was at church, when mah mom's phone went off during the sermon . As if that wasn't humiliating enough 4 me, her ring tone was set to the Bed Intruder song . FML

#20430388
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25880) - you deserved it (3546)

On 12/29/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by killme (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, mah husband came home with a bunch of realistic-looking wigs fir women. When I asked them wat they were for, he said he wanted to spice up looool our sex life with them. When I told him I refused to wear a wig, he said in a very serious tone that I wasn't going to be the one wearing them, he was. FML

#20438198
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40543) - you deserved it (6248)

On 01/02/2013 at 5:34am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today...hile talking to one of my parents' friends... we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his frst tooth there... the only response I could come up with was... ( Oh my gosh... I lost my vrginity there! ) FML

#20440379
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11805) - you deserved it (41192)

On 01/03/2013 at 5:34am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today my dad askd me wen I was going to start looking for a job. Jokingly I told im next year. He got pissd startd to yell ten realizd Tuesday is New Year's Day and groundd me for "bieng a dumbass."

#20432925
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28113) - you deserved it (8350)

On 12/30/2012 at 10:51pm - work - by BAMN2187 - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only peopleho celebrate Christmas. FML

#20419656
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29846) - you deserved it (2594)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today.!! !! my boyfriend sowed up at my grandmoter's wake in torn jeans and a Family Guy t-sirt !! Wen I took im aside asked im wat te ell e was tinking.!! !! e lost is temper and stormed out !! FML

#20442809
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21341) - you deserved it (3894)

On 01/04/2013 at 5:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had an amazing orgasm. So great that the shortness of breath triggerd an extreme asthma attack. FML

#20432803
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39750) - you deserved it (4969)

On 12/30/2012 at 9:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)



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