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Friday 21 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, someone painted the "Dark Mark" on the side of my car. It won't come off and my kids refuse to get in because it means "a wizard died in there." FML

#20407286
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33723) - you deserved it (3662)

On 12/19/2012 at 9:59am - kids - by spellbound - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

#20411716
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10389) - you deserved it (35302)

On 12/21/2012 at 3:48pm - misc - by mateyouremental - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39815) - you deserved it (5762)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, while doing our Christmas shopping, my sister showed me a product that she really hated. The same one I bought her for Christmas. FML

#20403689
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (3966)

On 12/17/2012 at 1:16pm - money - by bob (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

#20413213
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35981) - you deserved it (4166)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:21am - misc - by divingconfidence (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML

#20423057
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30034) - you deserved it (2366)

On 12/26/2012 at 3:53am - misc - by Shelle (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

#20403366
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27851) - you deserved it (6074)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:37am - kids - by unknown - Canada

Today, I woke up to find our Christmas tree knocked over, unwrapped presents scattered everywhere, and my mom passed out on the sofa with a bottle of booze. Merry Christmas. FML

#20419854
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37441) - you deserved it (2470)

On 12/24/2012 at 10:20pm - misc - by Julie (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

#20420365
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28094) - you deserved it (3104)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - misc - by CambodianAsshole (man) - United States (California)

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

#20421624
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33723) - you deserved it (2603)

On 12/25/2012 at 3:59pm - misc - by really mature, GRAN (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

#20403223
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11363) - you deserved it (23402)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by LemmyIsWet (man) - United States

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

#20407956
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26256) - you deserved it (7775)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:33pm - misc - by Johnny (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

#20417781
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37356) - you deserved it (7170)

On 12/24/2012 at 12:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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