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Friday 21 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML

#20405554
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39149) - you deserved it (6069)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:33pm - kids - by fatbabysyndrome (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40174) - you deserved it (5791)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

#20403366
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29833) - you deserved it (6332)

On 12/17/2012 at 6:37am - kids - by unknown - Canada

Today, while doing our Christmas shopping, my sister showed me a product that she really hated. The same one I bought her for Christmas. FML

#20403689
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28048) - you deserved it (3987)

On 12/17/2012 at 1:16pm - money - by bob (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my neighbor installed a large radio that loudly plays Christmas music 24/7. When I called in a complaint to the police department they told me to, "get in the Christmas spirit." FML

#20404496
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31699) - you deserved it (10641)

On 12/17/2012 at 9:28pm - misc - by James (man) - United States

Today, I took a relaxing bath, but got the book I was reading slightly wet when getting out. I put it on top of the towel dryer after delicately shaking it. Five minutes later, I heard a splash; I went into the bathroom to find that my book had toppled into the toilet bowl. FML

#20403223
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11484) - you deserved it (23600)

On 12/17/2012 at 2:33am - misc - by LemmyIsWet (man) - United States

Today, it's my wedding anniversary; my husband forgot. My daughter gave me two beautiful long stem roses and said she would look after her sister while we went out to celebrate. My daughter is more romantic and thoughtful than my own husband. FML

#20410075
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39052) - you deserved it (3668)

On 12/20/2012 at 10:31pm - love - by igiveup (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed and I asked him why he was with me. His answer was, "Well, the last girl I dated was really smart and she always made me feel dumb, so I decided to switch things up a bit. You make me feel like a genius babe." FML

#20417781
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39672) - you deserved it (7496)

On 12/24/2012 at 12:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

#20405217
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33310) - you deserved it (5412)

On 12/18/2012 at 5:03am - kids - by teejayrn -

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

#20421624
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34040) - you deserved it (2624)

On 12/25/2012 at 3:59pm - misc - by really mature, GRAN (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

#20412747
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11550) - you deserved it (45906)

On 12/22/2012 at 12:01am - love - by Stupid Drunk - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

#20419656
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29964) - you deserved it (2606)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I opened my Christmas present from my parents. I got a road-side assistance package. I don't own a vehicle, and I don't even have a driver's license. FML

#20420365
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30580) - you deserved it (3341)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:41am - misc - by CambodianAsshole (man) - United States (California)



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