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Thursday 20 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was sleeping on an airplane. I dreamed that I was running my hands up and down my friend's leg sexually to creep him out. I woke up and I realized that I was running my hand up and down the leg of the old man sitting next to me. FML

#20408734
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38362) - you deserved it (23252)

On 12/20/2012 at 9:49am - intimacy - by joyness (woman) - Taiwan (T'ai-pei)

Today, a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She looked pretty thin, so to make her feel better, I said that she looked small. She said "Well, you haven't seen me naked." For some reason, I replied, "Not that you know of." FML

#20417936
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15236) - you deserved it (35169)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:37am - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my brother learned how to fake cry. I've been catching shit for everything I've done and said near him ever since. FML

#20421301
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26213) - you deserved it (3019)

On 12/25/2012 at 1:12pm - kids - by everore - United States (Utah)

Today, I was in the mall for the second day in a row with my 7-year-old brother. As we walked past Santa he asked me, "Why does Santa look different today"? Not thinking, I said, "Because each mall has a different Santa." FML

#20405502
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13069) - you deserved it (32957)

On 12/18/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by I said whaat -

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

#20407705
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22048) - you deserved it (16338)

On 12/19/2012 at 3:53pm - health - by Crusty -

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

#20411354
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34652) - you deserved it (9462)

On 12/21/2012 at 12:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

#20410599
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20730) - you deserved it (7094)

On 12/21/2012 at 1:47am - misc - by Insane Guy (man) - United States

Today, I started my first day of work at our local humane society. I asked where the break room was, so my coworker directed me to a small room in the back of the building. The only place I get to take my lunch break is the same room where they euthanize, freeze and cremate the animals. FML

#20411081
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25003) - you deserved it (7584)

On 12/21/2012 at 9:22am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Arizona)

Today, my husband told my mother-in-law that we're trying to have a baby. She decided to call me and explain in extreme detail what positions to try, and when. FML

#20403715
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42421) - you deserved it (4687)

On 12/17/2012 at 1:48pm - intimacy - by crazy mother in law (woman) -

Today, I had a look through my dad's girlfriend's phone she left on the table. Best part: I now know what I'm getting for christmas. Worst part: I now know my dad's favourite position. FML

#20413212
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14312) - you deserved it (70023)

On 12/22/2012 at 6:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I sent a cute, jokey text to my girlfriend saying, "Just in case the world ends, I love you." Not only did she dump me because I was an "idiot for believing in the doomsday", which I don't, she also wrote a Facebook status about it. Now everyone thinks I'm mentally unstable. FML

#20409563
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36649) - you deserved it (6618)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:37pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I was out on a dinner date when suddenly a girl walks up to us and says to my date, "Girl, you can do so much better." Hearing this, my date looks at me, nods, gets up and walks off. I still had to pay for everything. FML

#20406289
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45730) - you deserved it (3610)

On 12/18/2012 at 8:49pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to slowly explain to my mother that Americans are not the only people who celebrate Christmas. FML

#20419656
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29886) - you deserved it (2604)

On 12/24/2012 at 8:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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