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Thursday 6 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML

#20195064
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37419) - you deserved it (2091)

On 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm - misc - by sonofahypocriticalwhore (man) - United States

Today, I came home to find a mouse in the garage. Frantic, I killed it. My 7-year-old son came home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr. Whiskers. I killed my son's class pet. FML

#20194994
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29953) - you deserved it (17158)

On 12/07/2012 at 10:30am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

#20197946
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22221) - you deserved it (7252)

On 12/09/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE (man) - United Kingdom (Barking and Dagenham)

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

#20199403
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27760) - you deserved it (7656)

On 12/10/2012 at 6:32pm - money - by ihncredible - United States (Michigan)

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

#20200411
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31166) - you deserved it (6141)

On 12/11/2012 at 1:09pm - love - by skinnybitch (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

#20197580
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22568) - you deserved it (10289)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, my son got suspended from school. He's in kindergarten. FML

#20201910
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29839) - you deserved it (7126)

On 12/12/2012 at 1:32pm - kids - by Renzy (woman) -

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

#20193921
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23033) - you deserved it (1985)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by bieberslayer (woman) - United States

Today, on the bus, when I was asking my 6-year-old son what he wanted for Christmas, a stranger came up to us and yelled at him about how Santa Claus is not real, that his "parents are fucking liars" and that he should "never listen to anything one of those fuckers says." FML

#20200046
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30305) - you deserved it (2910)

On 12/11/2012 at 2:15am - kids - by n1a1t1h1a1n1 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37917) - you deserved it (4320)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30251) - you deserved it (3965)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, I faced a dilemma. If I don't let the cat sleep in my bedroom, she spends all night howling at the door, waking up my 2-year-old in the process. If I do let her in, the dog gets distressed and chews the contents of the bin. If I let both of them in, I have no room to sleep. FML

Today, I finally got my wedding photos in the mail. As I looked through them, I soon realized that the lace material on my wedding dress was completely see-through in the sunlight, and my bra and panties were visible in every single outdoor photo. I had an outdoor wedding. FML

#20397769
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30506) - you deserved it (8461)

On 12/13/2012 at 9:35am - misc - by AboutToGoKillBillOnSomeone (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



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