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Monday 3 December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

#20197946
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23784) - you deserved it (7487)

On 12/09/2012 at 4:52pm - love - by HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE (man) - United Kingdom (Barking and Dagenham)

Today, I stepped on the scale and realized that I weigh more than the amount of money that I have in my bank account. FML

#20199403
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28631) - you deserved it (7797)

On 12/10/2012 at 6:32pm - money - by ihncredible - United States (Michigan)

Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML

#20197580
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23384) - you deserved it (10531)

On 12/09/2012 at 11:29am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was slapped across the face by a girl in the waiting room at the dentist's office. She thought I was taking a picture of her breasts with my phone. I was smiling while reading other people's FMLs. FML

#20189568
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43643) - you deserved it (3538)

On 12/03/2012 at 3:35pm - misc - by karmamaybe - United States (South Dakota)

Today, in my AP Biology class, a student informed us she'd read that Antarctica had completely melted due to global warming, to which my friend gushed, "Yeah! It's been melted for, like, months." FML

#20193921
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23969) - you deserved it (2059)

On 12/06/2012 at 3:47pm - misc - by bieberslayer (woman) - United States

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38822) - you deserved it (4402)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement over the pronunciation of the word "train." It turned into a heated debate that lasted all night and ended with us sleeping in separate rooms. FML

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm breaking up with her because she's very abusive. After a couple of seconds of awkward silence, she kicked me in the nuts and ran away. FML

#20189170
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31167) - you deserved it (4032)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:53am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46360) - you deserved it (3089)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

#20190915
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11887) - you deserved it (31001)

On 12/04/2012 at 1:51pm - misc - by Vassy (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

#20193830
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6293) - you deserved it (81417)

On 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm - misc - by mom (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, "The Phantom of the Opera" soundtrack blasted me awake at 4 am. Not knowing how it got on my iPod, I checked and found I had bought the whole $17.00 album in my sleep. This is the second time this month; the first time I downloaded the soundtrack from "The Wizard of Oz". FML

#20198547
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29158) - you deserved it (6423)

On 12/10/2012 at 12:10am - money - by hailey - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than let him continue. FML

#20199068
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33204) - you deserved it (12292)

On 12/10/2012 at 1:37pm - intimacy - by hnickell93 - United States (California)



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