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Saturday 1 December 2012

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Today, I found out what the two girls I sit near to fight about every day: seating. The loser has to sit next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 12:47pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

by Anonymous / 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 6:50pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my parents told me that they had joined a local club. Proud of them for going out of their comfort zone to make new friends, I googled the name of the club. I'm sure they'll make some lifelong friends at their first swingers club meet. FML

by Anonymous / 11/26/2012 at 8:30am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Intimacy

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

by N / 11/26/2012 at 10:13pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Love

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

by allbrokeup / 12/01/2012 at 6:54pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

by Moose / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, a customer at the Walmart I work at had a hissy fit and began throwing merchandise everywhere, including at my face, because we are Canadian and don't have a show called "Extreme Couponing" for "devoted shoppers" like her. FML

by ohgodwhy / 11/27/2012 at 6:46pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, on an important call with a potential employer, he began to speak quieter and quieter until I couldn't hear him at all. When I finally hung up after waiting for 5 minutes, I realized that I had been pressing down on the volume button. FML

by jkmartinjk / 11/27/2012 at 11:58pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

by Awks / 11/30/2012 at 1:30am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

by Likian5 / 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

by potheadloljk / 12/01/2012 at 9:01pm / United States (Maine) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

by Anonymous / 12/08/2012 at 4:28am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation