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Saturday 1 December 2012

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Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2012 at 3:05pm / United States / Transportation

Today, it's my birthday and my ex husband texted me at midnight to tell happy birthday. Too bad he couldn't have texted my new husband to remind him. FML

by aerythia / 12/08/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I came home to my mother-in-law wearing the gold chain which I usually keep in a hidden drawer. I searched my drawer only to find out my chain was missing. I asked my mother-in-law if she took it and she keeps denying the fact that she stole it from me. My husband is on her side. FML

by elizabeth / 11/29/2012 at 3:01am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

by brokenhearted / 12/05/2012 at 6:29am / Ireland (Dublin) / Love

Today, one of my work colleagues was staring at my severe sunburn. She wanted to know if she could "peel" me, when my sunburn becomes "ripe", because she loves the sound. She won't take no for an answer, and I work with her everyday this week. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2012 at 7:19pm / Australia (Victoria) / Health

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

by fabs1171 / 11/29/2012 at 12:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I found out that my wife, who is supposed to be a recovering alcoholic, drank an entire bottle of wine and then tried to hide it at the bottom of a garbage bin. To make matters worse, when I confronted her about it, she tried to convince me that our 5-year-old daughter had drunk it. FML

by Matt8 / 12/06/2012 at 8:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad got a warning from our ISP for going well over their fair usage limit. I barely use our wifi, and I keep telling him he should password-protect our router to stop people leeching our Internet. He's blaming me anyway, and says I'm grounded until January. FML

by WPA2 OR DEATH / 12/07/2012 at 4:49pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was working the dart game at my local amusement park when a couple paid to play. They were highly intoxicated, and they thought the object of the game was to hit me with the darts. FML

by hawksbc / 11/28/2012 at 10:14am / United States (Iowa) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I have three cracked ribs. I have also, for the first time in my life, developed a case of the hiccups that simply will NOT go away. It's been hours. FML

by Atletic / 11/30/2012 at 2:30am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, my mom found her CD of cats and dogs singing Christmas songs. That is what I'll be listening to until Christmas. FML

by hinowdie / 12/01/2012 at 5:00am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work taking notes on a pad of paper, my boss witnessed me trying to scroll down on the paper, as if it was a touch-screen phone. FML

by mdg / 12/04/2012 at 12:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

by goodbye cruel world / 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous