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Friday 30 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

#20180462
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17586) - you deserved it (1255)

On 11/26/2012 at 10:13pm - love - by N - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

#20185753
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5225) - you deserved it (10750)

On 11/30/2012 at 7:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

#20188897
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13166) - you deserved it (1676)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:18am - health - by Gahh... (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

#20191408
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17268) - you deserved it (1903)

On 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm - misc - by Likian5 (man) - United States

Today, I finally felt motivated to do some exercise. As I got my weights out, I noticed out of the corner of my eye someone moving about outside my window. I got scared and dropped a weight on my foot. The person outside was my own reflection. FML

#20195266
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14242) - you deserved it (7493)

On 12/07/2012 at 4:10pm - health - by i see fat people (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

#20186150
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18258) - you deserved it (1189)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

#20184989
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14198) - you deserved it (967)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29am - misc - by Rachael (woman) - Australia

Today, a few of my friends and I went laser tagging. I had been smart enough to wear black since I know white glows in the dark. Unfortunately, the dandruff glowing in my hair gave me away. FML

#20180680
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14065) - you deserved it (5651)

On 11/27/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by tarlyo2012 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

#20187165
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17228) - you deserved it (1059)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:01pm - misc - by potheadloljk (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, while I was at a urinal, a man came up to use the one next to me. He then said, "I guess this is where all the dicks hang out." He then stared at me until I left. FML

#20190054
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14670) - you deserved it (970)

On 12/03/2012 at 9:14pm - misc - by reedcarter -

Today, after coming home from surgery, I discovered that the heating in my entire building had failed. I called my mom asking if I could come and stay with her for a few days. She told me to "think warm thoughts." FML

#20192758
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15905) - you deserved it (870)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:27pm - money - by lonelyandcold (man) - United Kingdom (Solihull)

Today, I was yelled at by a customer, who was upset over having waited twenty minutes for a waiter to come take her order. Maybe it would be understandable, if she was sitting in an actual restaurant, and not a serve-yourself coffee house. FML

#20194179
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15854) - you deserved it (798)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50pm - work - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a call from my boyfriend saying I needed to come home immediately. When I got there, he informed me that the reason I needed to rush home from work was because he wiped a booger on the wall and it was in the shape of a penis. He said it's a sign, like when people see Jesus in toast. FML

#20189885
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15127) - you deserved it (2022)

On 12/03/2012 at 7:38pm - misc - by FlyingFist - United States



Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

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  • FML’s Roommates from hell
  • If we could, we’d probably all live on our own. Exotic dancers would do our cleaning and housework; bartenders would serve us glamorous cocktails with mini paper umbrellas in them every hour on the dot. We would…

Monday 20 May 2013

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