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Thursday 29 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

#20180442
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8141) - you deserved it (22157)

On 11/26/2012 at 10:03pm - work - by shark - United States (Texas)

Today, I bought some expensive fabric softener since I'm not too keen on my detergent's smell. Only after washing two weeks worth of laundry did I discover that mixed together they realistically mimic the smell of fresh puke. FML

#20189162
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12522) - you deserved it (2196)

On 12/03/2012 at 6:40am - misc - by backtothelaundrettethen (woman) - Germany

Today, I found out what the two girls I sit near to fight about every day: seating. The loser has to sit next to me. FML

#20189404
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15161) - you deserved it (1191)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I got into a fight with my girlfriend. After yelling and arguing my point, my cat got up and jumped up next to her on the bed. He sat down, and they both glared at me until I left. FML

#20189474
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14990) - you deserved it (453)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:02pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

#20180462
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17587) - you deserved it (1255)

On 11/26/2012 at 10:13pm - love - by N - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was out clubbing, when I saw a pair of very cute girls sitting at the bar, so I went over, hoping to introduce myself. I swung my leg over the stool, and through no fault of my own, sat on my own balls. I quickly got thrown out for "harassing the ladies." FML

#20185753
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5224) - you deserved it (10749)

On 11/30/2012 at 7:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML

#20188897
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13164) - you deserved it (1677)

On 12/03/2012 at 12:18am - health - by Gahh... (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I ran into my high school crush at Target. When I asked her if she remembered me, she patted me on the head, said, "Unfortunately," and walked away. FML

#20191408
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17262) - you deserved it (1903)

On 12/04/2012 at 8:06pm - misc - by Likian5 (man) - United States

Today, I brought a boy over to my house to help with a history project. My mom suddenly swooped in and bombarded him with questions about his and my sex life, and how she wants to have exactly four grandchildren. FML

#20186150
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18258) - you deserved it (1190)

On 12/01/2012 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

#20184989
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14193) - you deserved it (967)

On 11/30/2012 at 2:29am - misc - by Rachael (woman) - Australia

Today, a few of my friends and I went laser tagging. I had been smart enough to wear black since I know white glows in the dark. Unfortunately, the dandruff glowing in my hair gave me away. FML

#20180680
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14058) - you deserved it (5650)

On 11/27/2012 at 12:06am - misc - by tarlyo2012 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

#20187165
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17226) - you deserved it (1059)

On 12/01/2012 at 9:01pm - misc - by potheadloljk (woman) - United States (Maine)



Allison Myres Perry & Jim Perry 's illustrated FML

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  • If we could, we’d probably all live on our own. Exotic dancers would do our cleaning and housework; bartenders would serve us glamorous cocktails with mini paper umbrellas in them every hour on the dot. We would…

Monday 20 May 2013

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