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Thursday 29 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23396) - you deserved it (1921)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I gave a homeless man my last bit of spare change so he could get on the bus. Just as I was about to get on too, I realized I'd lost my bus card. I had to get off the bus and watch as the man waved at me through the window. FML

#20192452
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17101) - you deserved it (1842)

On 12/05/2012 at 3:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20850) - you deserved it (941)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

#20188739
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13141) - you deserved it (1870)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:03pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

#20192265
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13714) - you deserved it (2626)

On 12/05/2012 at 11:50am - kids - by JessThompson - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML

#20179414
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7756) - you deserved it (16622)

On 11/26/2012 at 5:26am - misc - by Z (man) - Australia

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5577) - you deserved it (17395) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML

#20184636
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24435) - you deserved it (6472)

On 11/29/2012 at 10:00pm - misc - by lizzard0416 - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was bartending. A guest was getting belligerent so I had to cut him off. He called me a bitch and threw the rest of his drink in my face before storming off. The belligerent asscandle was my boyfriend. FML

#20193528
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18338) - you deserved it (2952)

On 12/06/2012 at 6:50am - love - by FMyEx - United States (Connecticut)

Today, during a conversation, my boss said, "What, what?" Before I could stop myself, I replied, "In the butt." FML

#20191552
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9459) - you deserved it (19008)

On 12/04/2012 at 9:43pm - work - by whitecollar - United Kingdom (York)

Today, a customer at the Walmart I work at had a hissy fit and began throwing merchandise everywhere, including at my face, because we are Canadian and don't have a show called "Extreme Couponing" for "devoted shoppers" like her. FML

#20181556
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13454) - you deserved it (932)

On 11/27/2012 at 6:46pm - work - by ohgodwhy - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

#20192033
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31629) - you deserved it (272)

On 12/05/2012 at 5:52am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

#20192047
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21755) - you deserved it (1462)

On 12/05/2012 at 6:29am - love - by brokenhearted (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)



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