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Sunday 25 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML

#20175635
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19748) - you deserved it (3079)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home from the hospital diagnosed with high blood pressure. It's caused by stress. My wife had a very long talk with my son about it. All the kid has been doing for the past 2 hours is scream at his Playstation. I'd rather be at the hospital. FML

#20188739
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22496) - you deserved it (3212)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:03pm - kids - by Nick (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

#20171880
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33039) - you deserved it (3587)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

#20176033
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29487) - you deserved it (2118)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

#20177662
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20911) - you deserved it (7752)

On 11/25/2012 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad grounded me for two weeks for profusely swearing at my misbehaving laptop. After some arguing, he actually accepted my half-joking offer to play a game of CoD over it. His condition was that if I lost, my grounding period would double. We played. He kicked my ass. FML

#20185812
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8387) - you deserved it (32837)

On 11/30/2012 at 8:28pm - misc - by goodbye cruel world (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

#20179829
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27755) - you deserved it (3162)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:13pm - misc - by Autocorrected - Philippines (Manila)

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8872) - you deserved it (36930)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at work, I took an order from a stuck-up sounding lady over the phone. She said her last name was "duckling, but with an F". Bemused, I wrote her name on the order. When she arrived to pick it up later, she told me she'd said "s", not "f". FML

#20177082
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20905) - you deserved it (2954)

On 11/24/2012 at 7:25pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, while working at my local supermarket, I found a boy lost and wandering about, so I took him to the front desk. My reward from his mother was a slap around the face and harsh words for supposedly having kidnapped him. FML

#20183959
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27321) - you deserved it (1759)

On 11/29/2012 at 1:08pm - work - by bitch i'm a gerontophile (man) - Taiwan

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

#20172058
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28269) - you deserved it (2213)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:54am - misc - by WamBamSam - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, my mom and I took my senile grandmother to the mall, since she doesn't get out much. She complained it was hot, then took her clothing off in the middle of the food court. It took us thirty minutes to make her put her shirt back on. FML

#20187746
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24758) - you deserved it (2104)

On 12/02/2012 at 9:05am - misc - by Sam - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the bad-ass Spider Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML

#20173388
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19878) - you deserved it (4091)

On 11/22/2012 at 2:25am - misc - by zzz - Canada (British Columbia)



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