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Thursday 22 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I caught the train into the city. Halfway there some kids hopped on smelling of marijuana and alcohol. Their topic of discussion? How much pubic hair they had. FML

#20183521
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23095) - you deserved it (3095)

On 11/29/2012 at 12:40am - kids - by fabs1171 - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was messing around with my wife. I grabbed her boobs and said, "Honk honk". Unbeknownst to me, my daughter saw it. Now my 3-year-old girl runs around honking everyone. Even her grandparents. FML

#20172916
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12668) - you deserved it (29625)

On 11/21/2012 at 8:20pm - kids - by piemasterzim (man) - Canada

Today, I was working the dart game at my local amusement park when a couple paid to play. They were highly intoxicated, and they thought the object of the game was to hit me with the darts. FML

Today, my husband ran a nice warm bubble bath with extra bubbles. I undressed and slid down into the tub only to have the most ungodly pain go up my backside. Turns out he knocked his razor into the water when he added the bubbles. I now have two butt cracks. FML

#20181043
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30539) - you deserved it (1786)

On 11/27/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Cracky - United States (Maryland)

Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML

#20175635
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18958) - you deserved it (2999)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

#20171880
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32142) - you deserved it (3496)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML

#20176033
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28631) - you deserved it (2056)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)

Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML

#20177662
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17961) - you deserved it (7186)

On 11/25/2012 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

#20182175
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9766) - you deserved it (31111) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/28/2012 at 1:20am - health - by kise - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML

#20179829
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26867) - you deserved it (3073)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:13pm - misc - by Autocorrected - Philippines (Manila)

Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML

#20171812
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18675) - you deserved it (4732)

On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

#20177257
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28025) - you deserved it (1974)

On 11/24/2012 at 9:35pm - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, whilst at a red light in my car, a homeless man with a spray bottle and a dirty rag came over to clean my windows. He started with the driver's window, which was wide open, and whatever was in his spray bottle smelled suspiciously like urine. FML

#20172058
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27434) - you deserved it (2162)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:54am - misc - by WamBamSam - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)



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