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Wednesday 21 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

#20169340
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27573) - you deserved it (3379)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20169022
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22552) - you deserved it (4234)

On 11/19/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by ausmill12 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

#20178699
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25329) - you deserved it (2929)

On 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by nonbelieber (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

#20177960
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6877) - you deserved it (28071)

On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

#20170920
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18716) - you deserved it (2077)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20363) - you deserved it (2551)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

#20182095
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16724) - you deserved it (4030)

On 11/28/2012 at 12:15am - misc - by FUSheldon (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML

#20176711
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8452) - you deserved it (9891)

On 11/24/2012 at 2:38pm - health - by Anonymous Cunt (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

#20181219
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17282) - you deserved it (6006)

On 11/27/2012 at 1:45pm - misc - by unknown - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9503) - you deserved it (20323)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

#20169569
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19112) - you deserved it (2114)

On 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

#20181186
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19357) - you deserved it (3706)

On 11/27/2012 at 1:05pm - work - by bored - United States

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

#20175626
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20240) - you deserved it (2053)

On 11/23/2012 at 7:38pm - love - by jakeson12 - United Kingdom (Dundee City)



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