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Wednesday 21 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

#20180957
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (4063)

On 11/27/2012 at 6:36am - love - by Clementine (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

#20180296
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24650) - you deserved it (2981)

On 11/26/2012 at 8:41pm - love - by imnotacheateryouimmaturefuck (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by waking him up with a blowjob, because he had always told me that it was a sexy fantasy of his. When he finally woke up, he got pissed off, rudely accused me of interrupting his beauty sleep, then soundly lay back down and fell asleep again. FML

#20169340
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34577) - you deserved it (4301)

On 11/19/2012 at 10:12am - intimacy - by nextcontestant16 - United States

Today, I was walking through a crosswalk when a lady in a car looked at me with a horrified expression and then hit her door locks repeatedly. FML

#20176506
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22531) - you deserved it (2226)

On 11/24/2012 at 11:35am - misc - by lobstercola - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

#20178699
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28128) - you deserved it (3235)

On 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm - love - by nonbelieber (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, it's our third anniversary. After a candlelit dinner and a midnight boat ride, my wife turned down sex, because "it's too cliché." FML

#20179174
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33409) - you deserved it (3157)

On 11/26/2012 at 12:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

#20169022
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24272) - you deserved it (4466)

On 11/19/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by ausmill12 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

#20177960
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8493) - you deserved it (32526)

On 11/25/2012 at 10:08am - health - by I'm stupid - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

#20170920
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25235) - you deserved it (3039)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to go meet up with a guy that I met online for the first time. All he could talk about was how he expects me to "clean, cook, and submit" my body for sex at least twice a day when we get married. FML

#20173484
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22059) - you deserved it (5491)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:39am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, an hour after having been turned down for sex, I walked in on my wife fingering herself to a copy of War and Peace. FML

#20178424
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34085) - you deserved it (4103)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

#20182095
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18823) - you deserved it (4301)

On 11/28/2012 at 12:15am - misc - by FUSheldon (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a shopper approached me at Target and said, "So are you just gonna stand there to look pretty and do nothing around here?" I ignored his comment, until he got so upset that he wanted to speak to my manager. It would have been understandable if I actually worked there. FML

#20177780
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25524) - you deserved it (1821)

On 11/25/2012 at 4:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)



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