Monday 19 November 2012 
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Today, I played paintball with a bunch of friends. By the end of the day, my girlfriend and I were the only people left on the field. She shot me mercilessly, and I screamed like a little girl. 30 people watched, 4 people filmed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7756) - you deserved it (16624)
Today, while working as a massage therapist, a client had me work on a very specific knot in his shoulder. He also happened to have a very detailed, very realistic tattoo of the crucifixion on his shoulder. I just spent 45 minutes violating Jesus. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14019) - you deserved it (2538)
On 11/22/2012 at 1:50am - work - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16096) - you deserved it (1554)
On 11/24/2012 at 6:11pm - love - by Eganstein (man) - United States (Colorado)
Today, I had some soup that my dad made. I took one sip and found he had put tons of hot sauce in it. I rushed to drink from a soda can sitting on the counter, only to find that my mom had used it as an ash tray the night before. I can still taste the hot sauce, and the ash. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18236) - you deserved it (1866)
On 11/26/2012 at 3:13pm - misc - by Autocorrected - Philippines (Manila)
Today, I was nicknamed "Sandman." Not after the bad-ass Spider Man villain but rather because my personality is so boring it puts people to sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11604) - you deserved it (2516)
On 11/22/2012 at 2:25am - misc - by zzz - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I got into a car accident. The guy wouldn't give me his information, but instead stood there saying, "Like a good neighbor, Statefarm is there." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19847) - you deserved it (1209)
On 11/24/2012 at 12:55am - misc - by Read The Fine Print - United States (California)
Today, my dog climbed onto the dining room table to eat the cat's food. Then whined until I showed him how to get down. He does this every night. My dog is a genius. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10649) - you deserved it (2981)
On 11/21/2012 at 12:00am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I called Costco to ask them not to renew my membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minutes telling me why I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minutes over my minute allowance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5546) - you deserved it (21804)
On 11/20/2012 at 3:47am - money - by iwannaberich - United States (California)
Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19469) - you deserved it (1873)
On 11/21/2012 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Dead_Fox (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML
I agree, your life sucks (11990) - you deserved it (1808)
On 11/23/2012 at 7:49pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14516) - you deserved it (1243)
On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was in a public toilet, enduring an extremely awkward silence between myself and the person in the next stall. In my rush to get out of there, I managed to get my ass stuck in the toilet seat, and ended up being pulled out by the maintenance men. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13082) - you deserved it (5268)
On 11/25/2012 at 1:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15734) - you deserved it (876)
On 11/22/2012 at 12:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Monday 20 May 2013
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