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Sunday 18 November 2012

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Today, my girlfriend admitted to me that she has been sleeping with someone on her girls basketball team, which at first turned me on. Then I found out he's the team manager. FML

by SweetStuff88 / 11/15/2012 at 8:37am / United States / Love

Today, I was grocery shopping. When I turned around I noticed a group of teens passing by laughing. I didn't think anything of it until I got to my cart. The losers had left a pack of Slim Fast in my cart. I'm pregnant. FML

by depressedpreggo / 11/18/2012 at 6:00am / United States (Nevada) / Health

Today, my girlfriend started bawling, saying that our relationship wouldn't work. Why? Because if Justin and Selena can't do it, no one can. FML

by nonbelieber / 11/25/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (Colorado) / Love

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

by kinkicali / 11/20/2012 at 3:43am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I ran into my boss outside of work. She smiled, and started trying to have an in-depth chat with me. I wouldn't have minded, if it weren't for the fact I ran into her at a club, whilst they were having an S and M theme night. And we were both fully dressed up for it. FML

by jobsearching / 11/21/2012 at 3:43pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Work

Today, I witnessed a robbery as a teenager ran out of a Walgreens with stolen goods in his hands. The manager was running after him. Trying to be helpful, I pulled forward to block the thief from getting away. The cops showed up and arrested me for hitting a pedestrian. FML

by ausmill12 / 11/19/2012 at 1:18am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took a pregnancy test. When I saw that the result was positive, I started crying and showed my mom. She burst out laughing and told me that I had taken an ovulation test. FML

by I'm stupid / 11/25/2012 at 10:08am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, my girlfriend claimed she was a Viking because she's pale and has blond hair. She also warned me that if I piss her off she'll go 'berserk' on me. She demonstrated by smacking me in the nuts with a wooden spoon. FML

by jasmith / 11/18/2012 at 2:45am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML

by Trinity / 11/19/2012 at 5:37pm / Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha) / Miscellaneous

Today, I caught my mother trying to switch my contraceptive pill for Tic Tacs. I don't know what's worse - how far she will go to have a grandchild, or that she thought I wouldn't notice that my birth control left me with minty fresh breath. FML

by Username / 11/25/2012 at 6:36pm / United Kingdom (Newcastle upon Tyne) / Miscellaneous

Today, my "friend" thought it'd be absolutely hilarious to use my phone to text my girlfriend, bragging that I'd found a new "slampiece" and that she's "fukcin dumpd". Now I'm single, her dad keeps making threatening calls to me, and nobody will even listen to my side of the story. FML

by jakeson12 / 11/23/2012 at 7:38pm / United Kingdom (Dundee City) / Love

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

by duhasiangirl / 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm / United States (California) / Love