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Friday 16 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend came and sat on my lap. She landed directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. FML

#20165158
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23497) - you deserved it (4052)

On 11/16/2012 at 4:40am - misc - by mfischer (man) - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my English professor accused me of plagiarizing a poem I submitted, because she'd read it online earlier that day. The poem was mine; I posted it after writing it for her class, and even after logging into the site to prove it, she reported me to the school. FML

#20161959
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22737) - you deserved it (1475)

On 11/13/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by ninjakomodo (man) - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a nearby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML

#20171802
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19408) - you deserved it (1470)

On 11/20/2012 at 11:50pm - misc - by vanillatwilight2 (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17408) - you deserved it (1019)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was visiting family in Oregon. I did not know it was illegal to pump your own gas; the cops were involved. FML

#20159952
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19319) - you deserved it (1385)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

#20174862
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20637) - you deserved it (3013)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13854) - you deserved it (11354)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to motivate my 9-year-old sister to clean her room. She said she'd only agree if she could kill me. Thinking she was just kidding around, and not a total psychopath, I said sure. She ran to her room shouting, "Yes! I'm gonna use the big knife!" She's still cleaning now. FML

#20172481
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17978) - you deserved it (3704)

On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I received my first ever hand-job. It would have been great if she didn't wipe it across my face when I had finished and storm out of the room. FML

#20162838
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19086) - you deserved it (3858)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:06am - intimacy - by fuzz94 (man) - Australia (Queensland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

#20174722
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36376) - you deserved it (9568)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had awful morning sickness, and I asked my husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. FML

#20165918
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24906) - you deserved it (2000)

On 11/16/2012 at 9:00pm - love - by akiza (woman) - Japan

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

#20167793
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25150) - you deserved it (2664)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend snapped at me for being lazy and incompetent, and declared that if I was going to behave like a child, she would be treating me like one. This includes safety-proofing the house, talking to me like a 3-year-old and slapping me with a wooden spoon when I do something wrong. FML

#20162223
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5155) - you deserved it (19223)

On 11/13/2012 at 7:43pm - misc - by Z - Australia



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