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Friday 16 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, mah boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight!! When I calld him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

#20171204
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31192) - you deserved it (4643)

On 11/20/2012 at 4:57pm - health - by thinner than you (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I sat on my balls while at a restaurant. As I was wincing in pain and readjusting myself, my girlfriend cummd and sat on my lap. She landd directly on my nuts. After a minute or two, I stood up, only to rack myself once again on the corner of the table. mega FML

Today... I caught teenage daughter smoking... and trid calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad 4 her health. She replid with... ( It doesn't harm u if your under 20. ) FML

#20174862
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27576) - you deserved it (4362)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, an a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

#20170086
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15027) - you deserved it (31365)

On 11/19/2012 at 9:04pm - misc - by karmaquestionmark (woman) - United States (Oregon)

I Was Blessd With A Girlfriend Who Loves Giving Blowjobs!! And Cursd With A Girlfriend Who Is Also Somehow Really Bad At Them!! FML

#20174308
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32133) - you deserved it (8136)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States

2day a nearby volcano eruptd 4 the second time. We were all urgd to keep our windows and doors closd in case of ash clouds. My father respondd by opening every window and door and shouting , "Come at me , bro!" FML

#20171802
171 comments

Today, my girlfriand darad ma to put on har bra an pantias an giva har a lap danca. Faaling spontanaous, I dacidad to do it. Just as I was gatting raally into it, sha told ma I was on wabcam fir all har friands. Apparantly it was a contast of who had thair boyfriand tha most whippad. Sha won. FML

#20174722
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49246) - you deserved it (14549)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I had awful morning sickness, an I asked mah husband if he'd get me a drink while I went to the bathroom. On the way back, I witnessed him spitting in the glass. mega FML

#20165918
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31886) - you deserved it (2506)

On 11/16/2012 at 9:00pm - love - by akiza (woman) - Japan

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18799) - you deserved it (16341)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far and I've already pulled five carving looool forks out of four different people. Good job everybody. FML

#20174027
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22476) - you deserved it (1529)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I received mah first ever hand-job!! It would have been great if she didn't wipe it acros mah facehen I had finished and storm out of the room!! mega FML

TODAY, I TRIED TO MOTIVATE MY 9-YEAR-OLD SISTER TO CLEAN HER ROOM. SHE SAID SHE'D ONLY AGREE IF SHE COULD KILL ME. THINKING SHE WAS JUST KIDDING AROUND, AND NOT A TOTAL PSYCHOPATH, I SAID SURE. SHE RAN TO HER ROOM SHOUTING, ( YES! I'M GONNA USE THE BIG KNIFE! ) SHE'S STILL CLEANING NOW. FML

#20172481
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26026) - you deserved it (5664)

On 11/21/2012 at 2:34pm - kids - by anon - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today , after I spent two hours trying to teach my grlfriend to play sudoku , she broke up with me , tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake , imaginary game to make her feel stupid!! FML

#20167793
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31273) - you deserved it (3191)

On 11/18/2012 at 7:13am - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)



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