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Saturday 3 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my best friend told me that I wasn't invited to her wedding, saying that I was too pretty and that I would outshine her at the ceremony. I laughed and said that she was being ridiculous. She eventually confessed the real reason why I wasn't invited: apparently I'm an annoying bitch. FML

#20152648
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13431) - you deserved it (21645)

On 11/07/2012 at 2:31am - misc - by no cake for me (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting, "Red and green, merry Kwanzaa!" The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

#20141826
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21957) - you deserved it (1464)

On 10/31/2012 at 5:03pm - work - by SoSoRachel - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend decided to invite her best friend over for a threesome. This would've been the best day ever, had I not been at work while it was taking place. FML

#20150477
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36625) - you deserved it (3619)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:07pm - intimacy - by sadness1992 - United States (California)

Today, at work I was trying to be nice and give a customer a discount because she was having trouble finding money to pay for her food. Everybody behind her then demanded a discount as well. FML

#20147029
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12174) - you deserved it (24444)

On 11/04/2012 at 9:16am - work - by cassiebee - United States (Utah)

Today, I was woken up by my husband attempting to breastfeed off my lactating nipples. FML

#20139029
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22008) - you deserved it (2773)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:22pm - misc - by Indianagirl94 (woman) - United States

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

#20141794
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24274) - you deserved it (3506)

On 10/31/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating a fancy dinner with my girlfriend at a restaurant. Suddenly, my ex-girlfriend, who was seemingly still angry after our breakup 2 years ago, saw me through the window. She walked in, took my spaghetti dinner, shoved it in my face, and stormed out. FML

#20148447
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25091) - you deserved it (2981)

On 11/05/2012 at 2:02am - love - by sad (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after I gave birth to our first child, my husband looked at the doctor and seriously asked, "When do you circumcise the baby?" We had a baby girl. FML

#20138333
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23214) - you deserved it (2210)

On 10/29/2012 at 6:32am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

#20140004
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26721) - you deserved it (2799)

On 10/30/2012 at 9:27am - love - by LonelyMe -

Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML

#20142541
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30527) - you deserved it (6479)

On 11/01/2012 at 3:54am - intimacy - by okay._. - United States (California)

Today, I had to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My previous one stopped working, because apparently, my boyfriend has been using it to suck up our puppy's shit from the floor. FML

#20155036
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21156) - you deserved it (2061)

On 11/08/2012 at 2:03pm - love - by 99Problemsandfml - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my newly ex-fiancé, the father of my 5-year-old child, moved out of state with no warning. I just spent my last $500 paying off his car, and the rent is due tomorrow. FML

#20144316
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21942) - you deserved it (5310)

On 11/02/2012 at 12:35pm - love - by lilithfaye (woman) - United States



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