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Saturday 3 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
487 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20462) - you deserved it (46905)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

#20150778
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28307) - you deserved it (16059)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm - love - by new name (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35430) - you deserved it (3819)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32607) - you deserved it (2221)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

#20142562
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30807) - you deserved it (4948)

On 11/01/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by NoSpirit (woman) -

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31824) - you deserved it (2631)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

#20153727
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22621) - you deserved it (7331)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm - animals - by Drafty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally lost my virginity to my boyfriend. It hurt like hell, was over in less than a minute, and he tried to reuse the condom for a second round. FML

#20144932
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40615) - you deserved it (5783)

On 11/02/2012 at 9:23pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, at my school they were having a carnival to raise money. One of the patrons suggested that if they wanted to make money, they should have people pledge money to make me cover my ugly face with a bag. The school got over $500, and I had to wear a bag. FML

#20143313
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31516) - you deserved it (2523)

On 11/01/2012 at 7:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

#20147554
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27108) - you deserved it (3156)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by i fking love docb - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, my hubby and I decided to spice up our sex life and went to an adult toy store. We know too many people in our town, so we drove to one that was 30 mins away. We decided on our items, and went to the check out. Who would have guessed my next door neighbor works there as a cashier? FML

#20146867
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34881) - you deserved it (5211)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:55am - intimacy - by screwed - United States

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

#20155774
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25027) - you deserved it (2833)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by holyshitbatman - United States (Ohio)

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

#20145433
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41444) - you deserved it (3267)

On 11/03/2012 at 6:02am - intimacy - by heartbroke (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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