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Friday 2 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18125) - you deserved it (42519)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter called me telling me she had her twin girls. She named them Juli and Anne. Her name is Julianne. Her kids are going to fucking hate her. FML

#20141194
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34304) - you deserved it (3725)

On 10/31/2012 at 1:01am - kids - by poorkids (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31586) - you deserved it (2146)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

#20153727
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21406) - you deserved it (7164)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm - animals - by Drafty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29721) - you deserved it (2445)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, in the spirit of Halloween and to get back at a child who repeatedly pressed the doorbell until I showed up, I quickly opened the door and yelled "Boo!" The child ended up being carried away crying with wet pants by a mother threatening to sue. FML

#20142562
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30114) - you deserved it (4866)

On 11/01/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by NoSpirit (woman) -

Today, my girlfriend did the walk of shame in a skimpy Halloween costume after a night of drunken sex. Problem? The walk ended at my doorstep, and the sex was with a stranger. FML

#20145433
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37652) - you deserved it (2968)

On 11/03/2012 at 6:02am - intimacy - by heartbroke (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found my fiancé is cheating on me. Our wedding is in 26 days and everything is already paid for. FML

#20140302
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34039) - you deserved it (2200)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

#20155774
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24099) - you deserved it (2758)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by holyshitbatman - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that not only is my girlfriend enough of a superstitious twat to believe the world is going to end on December 21st, she actually thinks it's an acceptable excuse to go sleep around with other men. FML

#20146254
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31282) - you deserved it (3209)

On 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm - love - by markderanjer (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I watched my girlfriend slowly floss her teeth, and then eat what showed up on the floss. FML

#20147554
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26258) - you deserved it (3070)

On 11/04/2012 at 4:16pm - misc - by i fking love docb - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, I stepped outside the house with my wife. She looked up at the sky and asked me in all seriousness if stars are man-made. FML

#20156290
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21843) - you deserved it (3245)

On 11/09/2012 at 1:39pm - misc - by baby, baby no (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML



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