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Saturday 27 October 2012

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Today, my husband thought it would be funny to tell my 10-year-old son that if he wanted to get girls, he had to do the Gangnam Style. My son has now non-stop been doing the Gangnam Style. FML

by friedbutter / 10/28/2012 at 10:53am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, after losing twenty pounds to please my husband, the only comment I received was, "At least now only your personality sucks." FML

by 123alleyesonme / 11/02/2012 at 12:17am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, multiple people admired my elaborate face paint. This happens every Halloween, at least every Halloween since I got badly burnt in a car accident. FML

by Anonymous / 11/01/2012 at 7:17am / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML

by onlyme / 10/24/2012 at 10:36pm / United States / Money

Today, I went to my local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars for a snack. The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole. FML

by bunintheoven / 10/23/2012 at 12:21am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, one of my dad's work friends came over. As he was leaving, he complimented my dad on having three "strapping young boys." I informed him that I'm a girl, and I have a hormone imbalance that causes me to have a lot of hair and a deep voice. I guess my dress didn't give him a clue. FML

by rarara / 10/30/2012 at 5:26pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Miscellaneous

Today, I showed my friends the picture I drew picturing the four of us in a 'zombie apocalypse' setting. Turns out they never saw me as their friend, and I'm creeping them out. FML

by Nana / 10/22/2012 at 11:39am / Sweden (Vasterbottens Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

by Monkey / 10/27/2012 at 11:02am / United States / Intimacy

Today, my manager made me stay at work for an extra four hours, making me miss an urgent specialist appointment I'd scheduled months ago. Why? Because her neighbor's dog was having puppies, and she wanted to go home early and see them. FML

by whytetrash / 11/02/2012 at 1:53am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I realized that I'm a terrible human being. For the first time in my life, I gave some change to a homeless guy, but only so he'd get out of my face long enough for me to watch two other bums beating the crap out of each other over a sandwich. FML

by justcomesnaturally / 11/03/2012 at 8:37pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my birthday. My mom didn't buy me a present, throw a party, or acknowledge the event in any way. Last week it was our dog's birthday, which included a party for all the neighbourhood dogs, and a cake for our dog, made out of bacon. FML

by birthday girl / 10/26/2012 at 8:14pm / Australia / Animals

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

by Lunazel93 / 10/22/2012 at 12:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work