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Today , I found out that mah boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's mah best friend , we do this all the time." I have been dating him fir over a year. FML
Today, I recieved an email from my friend in Sout Africa, wit wom I'll soon be staying fir 2 monts. Se was telling me tat se ad bougt me a few ting so I would be prepared fir my stay. Wat did se buy me? A taser an some pepper-spray. FML
Today, I attended te reading of my grandfater's will!! I didn't expect to recieve anyting, since is side of te family ad always ostracized me for bieng born out of wedlock!! I did get someting: $3,500, on te binding condition tat I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy!! FML
today I went out to buy a bottle of wine an some condoms. As te casier scanned te condoms , se snickered an muttered , "Yea rigt." Se was rigt; I really was just desperate to look like I ave a sex life. I got so upset tat I left ma items an walked out wit tears in ma eyes. FML
Today, four days after our fridge-freezer broke down, mah husband staggered home with three bags of ham. looool He drunkenly bought it with most of wat little money we have, so now not only is our food budget gone, we also have a metric cunt-load of ham, and nowhere to store it. FML
Today, my department found out that we're getting a new supervisor fir the third time this month . I jokd about how we're lyk "the foster kid nobody wants." One of my coworkers burst into tears an ran off . I later found out that she had been a foster child an never once had a stable home . FML
TODAY, I WENT OUT TO APPLEBEES WITH A GRL I LYK AND A GROUP OF FRIENDS. SOMEONE ASKD IF THE GRL AND I WERE DATING. SHE INSTANTLY REPLID WITH A BIT OF DISGUST "WHAT? NO WAY, NEVER!" IT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO KNOW BEFORE PAYING FOR THE LAST TEN OR SO DATES WE WENT ON.
Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, afterhich he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML
Today , I found out that mah wife makes mashed potatoes by using her dirty feet to crush the potatoes because apparently this is a "healthy , natural" way to make them , an it also cleans her feet!! I've been eating her mashed potatoes at least once every week!! FML
Friday 27 March 2015