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March 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I turned 18. My parents got me a pineapple and a pair of socks. I'm allergic to pineapple, and the socks are too small. FML

#20566329
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38279) - you deserved it (2670)

On 03/30/2013 at 12:06am - misc - by ShellShocked - United States

Today, I tried to pick up a girl by asking her what the time was as a conversation starter. She responded by telling me it was time to pick a girl more in my league. FML

#20537800
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31081) - you deserved it (8299)

On 03/10/2013 at 3:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I met a guy in a bar. He was sweet and funny so I asked him out for coffee later. He quickly turned me down, saying that I didn't even meet his first requirement. His first requirement was "looks like a girl." FML

#20534087
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32222) - you deserved it (3908)

On 03/06/2013 at 10:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

#20536683
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40175) - you deserved it (5350)

On 03/09/2013 at 3:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to my boss and he said I was awesome. He went to fist bump me and I missed. FML

#20552081
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27839) - you deserved it (8010)

On 03/20/2013 at 10:31am - work - by missedfistbump - United States

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

#20564887
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35375) - you deserved it (3010)

On 03/29/2013 at 1:37am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

#20562430
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48590) - you deserved it (5558)

On 03/27/2013 at 2:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, the girl I thought I was dating got into a fight with me over the phone. She did this because she bet her boyfriend that she could make me cry on FaceTime. She won the bet. FML

#20567223
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35275) - you deserved it (5212)

On 03/30/2013 at 6:22pm - love - by J. Homen - United States

Today, of the two IDs I possess, I handed the cop that pulled me over the fake one. FML

#20545967
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9697) - you deserved it (64970)

On 03/16/2013 at 10:58am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I decided to come onto my husband to switch things up. When I started kissing and trying to undress him, he pushed me off, saying "What're you doing? Jeopardy's about to start." FML

#20532214
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42136) - you deserved it (5994)

On 03/05/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by married an old man - United States (California)

Today, while walking my dog at the park, I spotted my crush and said "Hi!" By not paying attention where I was going, I tripped and fell down. My dog started humping me. FML

#20544356
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38929) - you deserved it (5675)

On 03/15/2013 at 1:44am - misc - by fmlman - United States (Wyoming)

Today, a small fly flew straight up into my nose. I spent 10 minutes trying to blow/scratch/pick it out to no avail. I can still feel it moving. FML

#20556028
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38604) - you deserved it (2659)

On 03/23/2013 at 4:17am - misc - by WTFLY (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

#20558472
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33793) - you deserved it (8788)

On 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm - love - by fuckyoutoo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)



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