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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31348) - you deserved it (7198)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

#20503655
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27385) - you deserved it (2895)

On 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

#20519321
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35683) - you deserved it (2334)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a classmate posted a recording of a recent lecture on my university's Facebook page, so we could listen again and take notes at home. A few minutes in, I heard myself asking a question. I then heard snorting and some girl muttering "dumb cunt" under her breath. FML

#20524519
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33759) - you deserved it (3898)

On 02/27/2013 at 3:52pm - misc - by DumbCuntApparently (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Holland)

Today, my boss told me to go outside and take part in the company's stupid Harlem Shake video. When I declined, he threatened to fire me if I didn't take part. I ended up being the guy who had to furiously pelvic thrust before the music dropped. FML

#20518411
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36315) - you deserved it (6159)

On 02/23/2013 at 2:32am - work - by mypelvishurts - United States (California)

Today, I had my gallbladder removed. I have a very painful incision in my belly that makes any kind of movement excruciating. I've had the hiccups 5 times so far. FML

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

#20519825
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24399) - you deserved it (12214)

On 02/24/2013 at 4:34am - health - by Caroline - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

#20494464
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28831) - you deserved it (3743)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I hired out a motel room so I could stay there by myself and lie to my mother and grandmother about having friends. This is the third time. FML

#20492687
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30869) - you deserved it (13853)

On 02/04/2013 at 2:45am - love - by lonelyloser - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

#20492744
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27781) - you deserved it (3206)

On 02/04/2013 at 4:15am - misc - by Stunned (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

#20503744
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28485) - you deserved it (3894)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm - animals - by Turdfoot (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

#20512105
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16367) - you deserved it (38620)

On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

#20522936
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35971) - you deserved it (4220)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:43am - love - by fuckedover - United States



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