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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was walking with my friend. The girl in front of us had a really nice ass, so I turned to my friend and said, "Damn, she has a perfect ass." He replied, "That's a guy." FML

#20502853
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10429) - you deserved it (34316)

On 02/11/2013 at 9:30pm - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New York)

Today, for the first time in weeks, my wife felt frisky, and we started fooling around. Half-way through undressing me, she bolted out, claiming she had the shits. About five minutes later, she tearfully called out from the bathroom, begging me to bring her a fresh roll of toilet paper. FML

#20491900
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32193) - you deserved it (4458)

On 02/03/2013 at 6:04pm - love - by FUCK GOD (man) - Argentina (Salta)

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

#20503744
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28475) - you deserved it (3894)

On 02/12/2013 at 3:15pm - animals - by Turdfoot (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was walking down the street in the dark, and the woman in front of me kept looking back nervously. I jokingly assured her that I wasn't a mugger. She then took out a knife and mugged me. FML

#20505342
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41931) - you deserved it (4675)

On 02/13/2013 at 7:00pm - money - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized just how bad I am in bed when my girlfriend literally yawned the words, "Oh God" while attempting to fake an orgasm. FML

#20515924
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37037) - you deserved it (10164)

On 02/21/2013 at 3:46am - intimacy - by pornhastaughtmenothing - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend of almost six years asked me to move in with him. I assumed he meant that he was finally moving out of his parents' house and had found a place for us to live. No, it turns out he means he wants me to move in with him at his parents' place. FML

#20519650
76 comments

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, I had to leave my ACT prep class ten minutes in to pick up my drunken father from his best friend's baby shower. I picked him up along with a bill for the damage. FML

#20488845
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24559) - you deserved it (1926)

On 02/01/2013 at 10:26am - misc - by kylie18xx21 (woman) - United States

Today, my downstairs neighbours screamed at me for making so much noise that I woke their children up and made them cry. The noise was the sound of a loose floorboard shifting as I crept to my bathroom, and again on my way back to bed. They've sworn to get me evicted. FML

#20497288
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30189) - you deserved it (2206)

On 02/07/2013 at 5:56pm - misc - by fineillpissthebedthen (man) - Denmark (Nordjylland)

Today, I was taking a stroll in our yard, when my mother decided it would be hilarious to run me down with her Segway. FML

#20498382
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24454) - you deserved it (3322)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML

#20510517
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32405) - you deserved it (5799)

On 02/17/2013 at 9:27am - misc - by omgstuupidd - United States (New York)

Today, I walked into my dad straightening my dog's fur. His excuse? The dog needed to feel pretty. FML

#20513110
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29865) - you deserved it (4021)

On 02/19/2013 at 2:01am - animals - by xtammyle - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I finished my shift at the nursing home. There was too much snow on the roads, so most of us had to stay overnight. Not only did I not get to go home, I also got stuck sleeping in the same bed that a resident had died in the night before. FML

#20504938
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32258) - you deserved it (2191)

On 02/13/2013 at 12:20pm - work - by death bed (woman) - United States (Illinois)



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