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February 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend gave me the most beautiful diamond ring I have ever seen. As I excitedly put it on my finger, he told me it wasn't an engagement ring, but I should wear it like one to keep other men away and seem "unapproachable". FML

#20488292
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34495) - you deserved it (4362)

On 01/31/2013 at 10:35pm - love - by whatsername92 (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I both developed food poisoning from last night's sushi. Our apartment has one bathroom. FML

#20503655
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30562) - you deserved it (3165)

On 02/12/2013 at 1:43pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

#20503049
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32300) - you deserved it (7029)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm - health - by toxic waste - United States (New York)

Today, I was pushing my wheelchair-bound grandpa back home, when a pretty girl walked past us in the opposite direction. He made me stop and turn him around, just so he could ogle her ass as she walked away. FML

#20518187
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30189) - you deserved it (4815) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/22/2013 at 9:27pm - misc - by hé merde - Sent from mobile version

Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML

#20503454
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14390) - you deserved it (34032)

On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States

Today, I was trying to be sexy and change in front of my boyfriend. As I was changing, he started to talk to me about how we should both try and lose weight. FML

#20523139
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36364) - you deserved it (7711)

On 02/26/2013 at 3:26pm - love - by pooh anne (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

#20522936
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39538) - you deserved it (4533)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:43am - love - by fuckedover - United States

Today, my husband and I were fooling around in the shower. For some reason, I thought it'd be a good idea to grab his man meat and show him how to wash someone at a nursing home. He said he'd never be turned on by a nurse again. I'm a nurse. FML

#20515797
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12378) - you deserved it (40253)

On 02/21/2013 at 12:51am - love - by tomedicalforlove -

Today, I downloaded a movie that I already own on DVD, because I was feeling too lazy to get up and fetch it from the living room. I think I've hit rock bottom. FML

#20516729
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11518) - you deserved it (48476) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/21/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by lolo - Israel (HaDarom)

Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML

#20521590
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49177) - you deserved it (7846)

On 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend asked me if she looked fat in her new pair of jeans. Knowing I was probably about two seconds away from all hell breaking loose, I instinctively tried to save my game, before remembering I wasn't playing a video game. I really need to get a life. FML

#20491836
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12850) - you deserved it (31911)

On 02/03/2013 at 4:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML

#20494355
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45592) - you deserved it (13403)

On 02/05/2013 at 11:18am - intimacy - by Lockedinroom (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

#20508270
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42466) - you deserved it (9989)

On 02/15/2013 at 2:50pm - intimacy - by Acolyte of the Bacon God (man) - United States (Florida)



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