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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband suggested a way for us to "make some money" off our pregnancy. His great idea? Pregnancy porn. FML

#20456391
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42296) - you deserved it (4865)

On 01/13/2013 at 12:27am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML

#20466086
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38956) - you deserved it (3990)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

#20443434
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33061) - you deserved it (5521)

On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I came out to my parents. They laughed in my face. FML

#20445704
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29686) - you deserved it (6405)

On 01/07/2013 at 1:09am - misc - by areyoukiddingme (woman) - United States

Today, while having sex with my girlfriend on the bathroom floor, I felt something tickle my balls. I looked back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my first threesome. FML

#20456674
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50783) - you deserved it (8504)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I finally felt ready to have sex for the first time, with my boyfriend of nearly 8 months. When I told him, things became intimate and pants came off. He then looked at me and said, "Yeah, I can't do this." The rest of the night was spent in awkward silence. FML

#20460703
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46945) - you deserved it (6415)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML

Today, I learned that my doctor lost all of my immunization records. I can't start law school without them. FML

#20442687
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26854) - you deserved it (1716)

On 01/04/2013 at 3:51pm - health - by bureaucratic assfuckery (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

#20478441
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38783) - you deserved it (3187)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm getting married. A few months ago, I allowed my mother in-law to take care of catering. She begged to be a part of the wedding, so I gave her the caterer's number and order info. It appears that I will not be eating at my own wedding because she decided to order food I'm allergic to. FML

#20482739
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36760) - you deserved it (6573)

On 01/28/2013 at 6:52am - love - by forever1990 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

#20436012
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55666) - you deserved it (4230)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 24-year-old brother again yelled at me for looking at him while he was on the toilet. It'd be easier not to if he didn't sit on the toilet with the door wide open, and if the bathroom wasn't directly opposite my bedroom. FML

#20438837
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34149) - you deserved it (3543)

On 01/02/2013 at 3:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I have severe back pain that is only relieved by lying flat on my bed. I also have acid reflux that is only prevented by sitting straight up. FML

#20453200
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41413) - you deserved it (2772)

On 01/11/2013 at 3:03am - health - by Kftc88 - United States (California)



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