Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away an on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34828) - you deserved it (3838)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, mah mom went to court to finalize her divorce. I would have felt sorry 4 her, had this not been her 7th husband. looool FML

#20476021
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33582) - you deserved it (2680)

On 01/24/2013 at 2:19am - misc - by HereWeGoAgain (woman) - United States

Yesterday..!! mah grlfriend returned home from a several week vacation with family!! Instead of a happy reunion..!! I was terribly emasculated..!! publicly..!! 4 bringing flowers that "weren't as pretty looool as all the other couples' in baggage claim." FML

#20458802
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33052) - you deserved it (3245)

On 01/14/2013 at 10:47am - misc - by badenoughflowers - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to suffer through a two-hour long trivia game with my boyfriend's family. As if that wasn't annoying enough, my boyfriend causd the pair of us to loose by just a single point, because he answerd "Quebec" to the question of "What is the capital city of France?" FML

#20480093
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29192) - you deserved it (6625)

On 01/26/2013 at 5:57pm - misc - by twohoursclosertodeath (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I discoverd after 11 months, my grlfriend is finally ready to have sex. I discoverd this by walking in on her and one of my friends. fat FML

#20448085
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57342) - you deserved it (4318)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:56pm - love - by finallyready (man) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Taday when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door . I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child , and I can't bring myself to walk past it . It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside . I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving .

TODAY, I WAS CLEANING ONE OF MAH DISABLED CLIENTS BECAUSE HE POOPED HIMSELF, SO I STARTED TO UNDRESS HIM FIR A SHOWER. I TOOK HIS DIRTY DIAPER OFF AND SET IT ON HIS BED, THEN I BENT OVER TO TAKE OFF HIS SOCKS AT WHICH POINT HE PUT THE DIAPER ON MAH HEAD LYK A HAT. FML

#20438439
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51188) - you deserved it (4734)

On 01/02/2013 at 10:49am - work - by habassistant - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went out for dinner with my long-term crush,ho turned out to be a huge dog person. He asked mehich dog breed I lyk the most. In an attempt to reply with both Labrador and Doberman, I accidentally said Dumbledore. big fat FML

#20451560
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32172) - you deserved it (9001)

On 01/10/2013 at 7:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Slovakia

Today my husband and I found the perfect house in our price range and everything we wanted in a house!! However the street it's on is called ( Arbour Butte Road )!! My husband refuses to buy it cuz he doesn't want it to sound lyk he lives ( in a tree's ass!! ) I'm married to an idiot!! FML

#20451265
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30411) - you deserved it (5813)

On 01/10/2013 at 12:53am - misc - by it's just a name (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I startd charging my phone in the car during a family road trip. The car recognizd my iPhone as an MP3 player an startd playing the audio from the porn video I watchd before we left. Everybody hered. FML

#20443608
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10529) - you deserved it (39069)

On 01/05/2013 at 11:16am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, on mah shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

#20482313
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38575) - you deserved it (2535)

On 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm - kids - by andy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

#20477547
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43682) - you deserved it (4334)

On 01/25/2013 at 1:11am - intimacy - by swollenpenis - Canada (Alberta)

Today... I was debatinghich hurts more: child-birth or a kick to the testicles. Some guy spoutd the old urban legend that a nut-kick is 9000 "dels"... and giving birth is 57... so I provd that no such measurement of pain exists. His comeback was to sucker-punch me to the floor. FML

#20480007
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24823) - you deserved it (8237)

On 01/26/2013 at 4:51pm - misc - by go snope yourself (man) - United Kingdom



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: