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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36750) - you deserved it (3841)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

#20478441
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35229) - you deserved it (2910)

On 01/25/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML

#20469405
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18717) - you deserved it (39529)

On 01/20/2013 at 11:34am - animals - by DrakeB (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm too "high maintenance". And that's because I ask him to use condoms when we have sex, and I refuse to invite my friends over for threesomes. I don't know why I'm not actually glad we are broken up. FML

#20445835
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27156) - you deserved it (5314)

On 01/07/2013 at 3:35am - love - by kat124ever (woman) - United States (Armed Forces Europe, Middle East)

Today, my boyfriend of three days met up with me at the movie theater, sporting a crude tattoo of my face on his cheek, along with a love heart and the word "forever." Looks like I'm single again. FML

#20469621
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36176) - you deserved it (3864)

On 01/20/2013 at 2:28pm - love - by maybe dead in a day (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, instead of the traditional midnight kiss, my husband handed me divorce papers. FML

#20436006
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46475) - you deserved it (5217)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:15am - misc - by Sarah - United States

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

#20457945
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29800) - you deserved it (3251)

On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)

Today, I paused the movie my girlfriend and I were watching and told her, for the first time, that I loved her. Her response was to stare at me silently for a few seconds before unpausing the film. FML

#20440422
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35957) - you deserved it (6488)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:43am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, while giving my girlfriend a back-rub, she moaned and commented, "If only you could fuck this well." FML

#20455279
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33346) - you deserved it (8302)

On 01/12/2013 at 12:57pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Norway (Rogaland)

Today, my mom wished me "Happy Conception Day." FML

#20462817
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25937) - you deserved it (4013)

On 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I finally agreed on something: marriage counseling. FML

#20455127
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28362) - you deserved it (5837)

On 01/12/2013 at 10:28am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to my cousin's wedding. The groom walked over when the two of us were talking, took one good look at me, slapped me on the ass, and said, "You know, if I wasn't marrying Rose here, you'd be next." Yeah, about that: I'm a 16-year old guy. FML

#20485957
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36724) - you deserved it (4156)

On 01/30/2013 at 7:21am - love - by Denki (man) - China (Beijing)

Today, I finally got to conduct my first questioning of a suspect, who had been arrested in connection with a car theft. As I recited the Miranda warning to him, my mind went totally blank, and after a few seconds, he sarcastically continued the speech for me. FML

#20464395
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30330) - you deserved it (14551)

On 01/17/2013 at 12:15pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)



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