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December 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my new girlfriend is a screamer. This would normally turn me on, except she sounds like she's being murdered with a rusty fork. FML

#20193609
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34496) - you deserved it (3982)

On 12/06/2012 at 9:24am - intimacy - by Dontwaketheneighbors (man) - United States (California)

Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML

#20426492
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51176) - you deserved it (7004)

On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States

Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML

#20399736
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31888) - you deserved it (5956)

On 12/14/2012 at 6:52pm - love - by mandybar15 (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my mother-in-law, who apparently made a copy of our house key without permission, walked in on my husband and me doing the deed. She went crazy, yelling at me for "defiling" her son. Last week, she yelled at me for not having given her grand-children yet. FML

#20405524
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56308) - you deserved it (3817)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by daughterinlaw (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

#20405129
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15600) - you deserved it (25307)

On 12/18/2012 at 2:48am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after giving my husband a new video game that he's been wanting, along with homemade waffles and a surprise blowjob, he gave me my gift: two packets of ramen noodles, and toilet paper. FML

Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML

#20402533
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27037) - you deserved it (12820)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)

Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML

#20420433
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17892) - you deserved it (49796)

On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the local used books store to sell all my college textbooks. I spent several hundred dollars on them in total. I ended up walking out of the shop a pathetic $3.50 richer. FML

#20412112
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28544) - you deserved it (6905)

On 12/21/2012 at 7:11pm - money - by futuregigolo (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML

#20402473
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28005) - you deserved it (3486)

On 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Waterford)

Today, my friend and I told each other about our boyfriends. They're both nice, kind, beautiful, talented, funny, sweet and smart. They also both have the same name. And house. And job. And car. FML

#20196037
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41435) - you deserved it (2761)

On 12/08/2012 at 5:44am - love - by ouch. - Canada (Yukon Territory)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

#20399775
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33897) - you deserved it (8313)

On 12/14/2012 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by sucks at sucking (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, my boyfriend and I had a disagreement over the pronunciation of the word "train." It turned into a heated debate that lasted all night and ended with us sleeping in separate rooms. FML



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