Today, while sharing a few beers on the couch with my boyfriend, he drunkenly uttered the fateful words, "Babe, if I could suck my own dick, you'd be single as HELL." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40114) - you deserved it (4394)
On 12/27/2012 at 7:24pm - intimacy - by well, i am now (woman) - United States
Today, at a Christmas party, my crush came up to me and cutely pointed out that I was standing under mistletoe. The only response my stupid brain could think of was, "Probably full of nargles though." He gave me a confused look and walked away. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19811) - you deserved it (8927)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:51pm - love - by Rhine (woman) - Barbados (Saint Michael)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me with the prettiest, most simple ring I have ever seen. I called my sister to tell her the good news, and her response was, "I know. He had me steal the ring from Claire's." FML
I agree, your life sucks (32131) - you deserved it (2313)
On 12/30/2012 at 6:58pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)
Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8176) - you deserved it (54750)
On 12/19/2012 at 10:26am - love - by rightinthekarma (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, after nearly a week of awful pain in my right lung, I finally went to see a doctor about it. When I mentioned my history of lung problems and suggested it could be pneumonia, he told me to "leave the diagnosing to the professionals" and ended up claiming I have acid reflux. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17855) - you deserved it (4117)
On 12/21/2012 at 5:41pm - health - by fucking fuck it fucking hurts (woman) - United States
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex when the condom broke. He told me to go put a tampon in to "soak up the kids". How did he graduate? FML
I agree, your life sucks (30164) - you deserved it (4300)
On 12/01/2012 at 9:54am - intimacy - by me. - United States
Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3752) - you deserved it (63101)
On 12/06/2012 at 2:23pm - misc - by mom (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)
Today, I noticed one of my neighbors has decided to place an old toilet in the middle of their front lawn. Another one has had a kitchen sink in their driveway for a year, and yet another has a sofa in their grass. These are the people who taunt me for just walking my cat outside on a leash. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19688) - you deserved it (6902)
On 12/19/2012 at 12:02am - misc - by SApprentice (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, after giving my mother and my girlfriend their Christmas presents, I realized just how similar they looked both in box size and wrapping paper. I noticed after my mother gasped upon finding a vibrator in her box. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12584) - you deserved it (35209)
On 12/25/2012 at 2:12am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I spent nearly half an hour trying to dispel my sister's belief that men have to strap down their penises before going jogging. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18899) - you deserved it (2166)
On 12/16/2012 at 6:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Ireland (Waterford)
Today, my roommate turned the thermostat down to 50 degrees. Why? Because she read that shivering burns calories. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16791) - you deserved it (1122)
On 12/11/2012 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, after spending a lot of money on photo shoots to build up my portfolio, I finally got an offer from a modelling agency. I ran outside to tell my parents, only for my brother to hurl an iced snowball straight into my face. I now have a huge gash over my cheek and nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32152) - you deserved it (3490)
On 12/28/2012 at 8:23pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16106) - you deserved it (2695)
On 12/05/2012 at 12:55pm - health - by Emily - United States (Massachusetts)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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