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December 2012

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Today, I received from my husband for Christmas the body lotion that only he uses. And nothing else. FML

by marriedtoatool / 12/26/2012 at 1:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I brought my 6-year-old to the mall to sit on Santa's lap. She told him what she wanted and smiled for the picture. When the lady told her that her turn was over, she began throwing a fit, pulling off Santa's beard in the process. This caused all the kids in line to begin sobbing. FML

by unknown / 12/17/2012 at 6:37am / Canada / Kids

Today, I was on my favourite forum when I saw a guy ranting at some pro-lifer fanatic. For fun, I replied "umad bro?" apparently moments after the forum founder also left an angry reply. I'm now banned for a month for "trolling the founder" and all my posts have vanished without a trace. FML

by you fuckhobbit / 12/23/2012 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

by nose hurts / 12/29/2012 at 8:01pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, while I was removing my makeup with my boyfriend watching, he mentioned that he used to think girls were prettier without makeup on, but he'd now changed his mind. FML

by allbrokeup / 12/01/2012 at 6:54pm / Norway (Rogaland) / Love

Today, I had the pleasure of finding out how it feels to poop with 3 broken ribs. FML

by mysidesaresplitting / 12/14/2012 at 1:44am / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, my family went on a family trip without me. Their reason for not bringing me? My older sister wanted extra legroom during the drive. FML

by satega / 12/10/2012 at 2:07pm / United States (Missouri) / Holidays

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that storing a partially empty bowl of ice cream in the freezer overnight along with the spoon, and then trying to take a bite the next day, can have the same effect as sticking your tongue on a flagpole in the middle of winter. FML

by Moose / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my driver's test. I was confident and thought everything would go well. My boss ended up calling me several times during the test. Turns out my colleague never showed up to cover for me, and my boss blamed me. Not only did I fail my test, I'm now suspended from work too. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2012 at 12:04pm / United Kingdom (Bromley) / Work

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 3:03pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Health

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

by teejayrn / 12/18/2012 at 5:03am / Kids

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending". She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

by really mature, GRAN / 12/25/2012 at 3:59pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to watch my drunk girlfriend yell at a cat for not having periods. The worst part is that she was at a pet store. The pet store at which I work. FML

by Wtf is wrong with her / 12/30/2012 at 12:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous