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December 2012

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Today, my dog died and I told my grandfather I wanted her to be cremated. I came home later to find him burning her in our barbecue pit. FML

by psd60 / 12/06/2012 at 2:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, my boyfriend and I were having Christmas dinner while his mom was away. I was lying alone on his bed while he did the dishes, when the bedroom door dramatically swung open and his mom glared at me from the doorway. I had to leave when she screamed "FORNICATION IS A SIN!" FML

by un_christmas / 12/25/2012 at 1:41am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Love

Today, my workplace was having a raffle and was giving away a Venus shaving kit. A co-worker won, but instead of keeping it, she walked over and handed the basket to me in front of everyone, said "You need it more" and walked away. FML

by shaving kit / 12/31/2012 at 5:17am / Work

Today, I decided to treat myself to a pedicure. The pedicurist began examining my feet, then called his coworkers over to demonstrate how to deal with "excessively crusty" feet. FML

by Crusty / 12/19/2012 at 3:53pm / Health

Today, my boyfriend read online that oversleeping has been linked to strokes later in life. He's now taken it upon himself to protect me by making sure that I have as minimal sleep as possible. FML

by nosleep / 12/29/2012 at 2:33am / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, I met my girlfriend's father for the first time; he asked me to explain my interest in dating her. In a mix of me trying to say "I want to be with your daughter" and "I want to be in your daughter's life" I got confused and said, "I want to be in your daughter." FML

by Tonguetied0496 / 12/10/2012 at 2:21am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

by Anonymous / 12/04/2012 at 11:09pm / United States (New York) / Geek

Today, my mother-in-law purchased matching Christmas presents for myself and my sister-in-law to open together in front of everyone. Guess who are now the proud owners of matching metal tampon cases. FML

by Shelle / 12/26/2012 at 3:53am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while doing our Christmas shopping, my sister showed me a product that she really hated. The same one I bought her for Christmas. FML

by bob / 12/17/2012 at 1:16pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Money

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

by mateyouremental / 12/21/2012 at 3:48pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

by Insane Guy / 12/21/2012 at 1:47am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my skydiving instructor casually remarked that he wouldn't mind "diving into" me sometime. He was strapped to my back the whole way down. FML

by _The__Doctor_ / 12/31/2012 at 5:44pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

by disembob / 12/02/2012 at 9:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous