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December 2012

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Today, I told my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. He seemed excited, and said we should make the baby fat so he can bounce her on his lap and watch her double chin jiggle. Just to prove he's serious, he's been searching for high-calorie foods for babies. FML

#20405554
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40041) - you deserved it (6168)

On 12/18/2012 at 12:33pm - kids - by fatbabysyndrome (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my job as a cashier when a man called me his "Grocery Slave." I was almost offended, but then I thought about my salary. I am a Grocery Slave. FML

Today, I looked at my neighbor's empty lawn; he's an old guy and he usually has the best Christmas lights. We knew he might not be able to do them this year, so I felt bad and I did them for him. Later, a neighbor asked about them and I told her that I helped out. She said, "You do know he died, right?" FML

#20411217
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36565) - you deserved it (18057)

On 12/21/2012 at 11:00am - misc - by Syd - United States (Texas)

Today, I once again walked in on my husband eating our cat's food. FML

#20409541
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36784) - you deserved it (4293)

On 12/20/2012 at 7:26pm - misc - by jsmills92 (woman) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, my mom hung her new "Christmas Clock" on the wall. It plays a different Christmas carol every hour, on the hour. It's only December 2nd and I'm already starting to understand why suicide rates sky rocket this time of year. FML

#20188746
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26275) - you deserved it (2645)

On 12/02/2012 at 11:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked out of my apartment to see that someone had climbed onto the hood of my car and taken a shit on my windshield. I only moved in a couple of weeks ago. FML

#20189050
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24365) - you deserved it (1721)

On 12/03/2012 at 2:36am - misc - by poopsthegame - United States (Hawaii)

Today, the highly intoxicated singer of my band decided it would be a wonderful idea to squat down and take a shit on stage in the middle of a gig. FML

#20408486
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40885) - you deserved it (4614)

On 12/20/2012 at 3:16am - misc - by dudeyouarefired -

Today, as her parents were supposed to be out of town, I stayed over with my girlfriend, and we ended up in bed together. Later on, while poking through the fridge, I heard footsteps, so I said, "Didn't think you'd be walking after that." I closed the fridge and saw her dad. FML

#20418714
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50055) - you deserved it (27227)

On 12/24/2012 at 1:02pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers and "do it like deer". FML

#20415339
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39168) - you deserved it (8139)

On 12/23/2012 at 1:19am - intimacy - by Kasey Eames - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my parents fighting about who has been the most loyal. I found out my Dad has cheated twice, and is still the most faithful of the two. FML

#20198811
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32527) - you deserved it (1890)

On 12/10/2012 at 6:41am - love - by slenderman908 - United States (Michigan)

Today, my ex adopted a dog from the dog pound. It was the same dog he made me get rid of while we were still together. FML

#20401539
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29710) - you deserved it (8011)

On 12/16/2012 at 12:49am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to break up with my boyfriend when I caught him installing cameras in my bathroom. FML

#20403401
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43599) - you deserved it (4571)

On 12/17/2012 at 7:25am - love - by Sarah (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, after having sex for the first time with my girlfriend, I realised I was in love with her. I noticed she had an eyelash on her breast. After tugging it a few times I realised it was actually a single black nipple hair. She was so embarrassed, she kicked me out and now won't return my calls. FML

#20426821
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36658) - you deserved it (26732)

On 12/27/2012 at 10:06pm - intimacy - by ohman (man) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)



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