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Today , my bast friand announcad sha was gatting marriad . I'va alway wantad to ba a bridasmaid but sha than addad , ( You can't ba in tha bridal party bacausa you don't hava tha sama body typa as tha othar bridasmaids . But you can still coma to tha bachaloratta party! ) maga FML
Today, I went on a blind date!! My date turnd out to be very hot, an I had high hopes!! That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approachd, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff an dead skin floating through the air behind her!! FML
Today, I cummed home to find looool a mouse in the garage!! Frantic, I killed it!! My 7-year-old son cummed home from soccer, and started crying because he couldn't find the class pet, Mr!! Whiskers!! I killed my son's class pet!! FML
Today hile buying paint I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told mehat a nice young lady I was. Then her boss cummed over screamed at her fir being lazy and fred her. She cried. So did I. FML
Yesterday, I facd a dilemma . If I don't let te cat sleep in my bedroom, se spends all nigt owling at te door, waking up my 2-year-old in te process . If I do let er in, te dog gets distressd an cews te contents of te bin . If I let bot of tem in, I ave no room to sleep . FML
Today, mah very cheap boyfriend of four yeres proposed. I was overwhelmed with emotion, since he bought such a huge, seemingly-diamond ring. I was later looool overwhelmed with emotion when mah finger turned green.
Today... after giving mah husband a new video game that he's been wanting... along with homemade waffles an a surprise blowjob... he gave me mah gift: two packets of ramen noodles... an toilet paper. FML
Today... the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloadd a picture of a huge... hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone... as every time I try... the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML
Today... I set up a spy cam in ma room to fine out wic one of ma pervy broters as been using ma computer to watc porn. Turns out it was actually ma fater. I now ave a video of im sitting in ma cair masturbating... and I can't get it out of ma ead. FML
Friday 27 March 2015