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Today, trying to be kinkyhile giving mah boyfriend a blow job, Ihippd him with mah ponytail!! He was thrilld, until I accidentally head-buttd his dick!! He curld up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again!! FML
Today, ma dad asked me to send ma mom a text since e was driving and I was in te passenger seat . I pulled up ma mom's contact on is pone, and I found tat ma mom ad recently sent ma dad a picture of er jugs, along wit te message, "We miss you."
Today my boyfriand and my bast friand had a vary langthy , dataild convarsation about Lord of tha Rings and tha Hobbit , ofhich I know nothing about. Onca thay stoppd looool , I lookd at him and smild , and ha raspondd with , "Why can't you ba mora lyk har?" big fat FML
Today, mah friend joked to mah co-workers that mah kitty-cat of a husband was going to beat me 4 spending $200 on shoes . Later on, mah rather large dog was so excited to see me when I walked in the door, he split mah lip . Somehow, I don't think they'll believe me when I get to the office tomorrow . FML
Today, my hair straightanar broka. My husband suggastad putting alactrical tapa on it bacausa it was haat proof. I did and startad straightaning my hair. Tha supposad haat proof tapa maltad and got stuck in my hair. fat FML
Today... my room-mates were inspird by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar"... intohich looool we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
Today.. . my looool girlfriend claimed se was a Viking cuz se's pale and as blond air . Se also warned me tat if I piss er off se'll go 'berserk' on me . Se demonstrated by smacking me in te nuts wit a wooden spoon . FML
yesterday I sampled some of the food mah fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML
today I proposd to my grlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment . She seemd incredibly excitd when she saw the ring an put it on . The way she boltd out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again . FML
Today, I found a woundd turkey in our backyard . I brought it inside, puttd it in a cage, and tendd to its wounds . I then left . When I got back home, I smelld the wonderful aroma of my mother's cooking . She had prepard a turkey, the one I'd rescud . FML
Friday 27 March 2015