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November 2012

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Today, I was woken up by my elderly neighbor banging on my door at 2am. She needed "urgent" assistance as she had forgotten how to turn her TV off. I'd just fallen asleep. FML

by Rachael / 11/30/2012 at 2:29am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boss that I quit, and handed in my two week's notice. A couple of hours later, I found my letter of resignation had been photocopied and copies hung all around the office with "Best day ever" written on the bottom. FML

by sad face / 11/24/2012 at 6:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, my father told me to take the car and get some groceries. An hour and a half later, coming home with the groceries, I see the cops all around my house because my dad had called them, thinking that I had run away and stolen the car. FML

by me / 11/11/2012 at 11:30pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing Apples to Apples with my girlfriend and a few others. The card that was drawn was labeled "pathetic". Among other cards that were laid down in attempts to be similar to "pathetic" was my girlfriend's card. She won with a create-a-card labeled "my sex life". FML

by anonymous / 11/10/2012 at 6:02am / United States / Love

Today, I put on a shirt that said "skilled in every position." My boyfriend took one look and said, "since when?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, we found out that the beloved "Uncle Jimmy" from my early childhood was really the man my mother was cheating on my dad with. FML

by Anonymous / 11/09/2012 at 3:53pm / New Zealand (Gisborne) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was rejected for a dream photography job that involves travelling all over the world, because according to the interviewer, half the photos in my nature portfolio were "blatantly photoshopped." I guess reality isn't realistic enough for some people. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 8:29pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, my dad went through all the trouble of sneaking onto my laptop and photoshopping a bong into my Facebook profile picture, apparently just so he could win a €20 bet with my mom, that hinged on her grounding me by December. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2012 at 1:55pm / Europe / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

by Chris / 11/20/2012 at 12:03am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

by Ice cold / 11/22/2012 at 12:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I had to stand next to my wife at the supermarket, beet-red and pretending not to exist; about half an hour into our shopping, she completely lost her shit at the advertising on the loudspeaker, turned to another patron, and screamed into his face to shut the fuck up. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2012 at 2:47pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous

Today, my older brother thought it would be hilarious to sneak up and scare me in the grocery aisle at the store. I screamed and jumped, knocking half the shelf's contents all over the floor. We're now banned from the only grocery store in town. FML

by sarahhbear / 11/17/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, at archery practice, I jokingly said that I'd kiss the next person to get a bullseye. They all made a point of missing their targets, some even shooting their arrows way off to the side. FML

by Anonymous / 11/03/2012 at 8:19pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous