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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, we got new seats in class today. The guy placed next to me, turned, looked me dead in the eye, and said, "The balls are the warmest place on the body" while his hands were in his pants. I'm stuck next to him for the rest of the semester. FML

#20140711
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23955) - you deserved it (1785)

On 10/30/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I woke up with pink eye. My mom tried to help by putting drops in. It started burning like hell; she didn't understand why. It turns out she was putting ear drops in my eye. FML

#20132231
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28427) - you deserved it (1705)

On 10/25/2012 at 12:37am - health - by allison_fishing - United States

Today, I contemplated the ratio of cats I have to friends I have. I need more friends. FML

#20122007
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19351) - you deserved it (5251)

On 10/18/2012 at 1:33am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

#20117729
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23077) - you deserved it (2571)

On 10/15/2012 at 4:33am - misc - by triple l (woman) - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I spent $100 on myself, using it to set up an account so that my son can call me from jail. FML

#20117850
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24755) - you deserved it (3920)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:10am - kids - by Reihna (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

#20104673
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38825) - you deserved it (2690)

On 10/06/2012 at 7:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

#20127580
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21516) - you deserved it (4925)

On 10/21/2012 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

#20123973
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21452) - you deserved it (5536)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm - love - by marriedtoacunt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while at a psychiatric hospital working as a student nurse, I discovered one of the patients had developed an unhealthy obsession for me. He was admitted for stalking and abusing a girl who looked just like me. It's only my first week. FML

#20127982
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26623) - you deserved it (1769)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

#20099119
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25437) - you deserved it (1514)

On 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

#20118571
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28555) - you deserved it (1875)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23814) - you deserved it (5718)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

#20119087
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27761) - you deserved it (1993)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)



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