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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex with me. She suggested a bit of "exercise sex" with him. I'm sure he would have eagerly agreed, if he'd been the one receiving the texts. FML

#20104673
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34816) - you deserved it (2350)

On 10/06/2012 at 7:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25021) - you deserved it (2275)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, our kids left for the weekend so that my wife and I could have some much-needed alone time. We've been fighting a lot recently and really need some time to have fun together. Now it turns out that she doesn't want to be around me because of the fighting. FML

#20123973
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20701) - you deserved it (5441)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:27pm - love - by marriedtoacunt (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

#20099119
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24378) - you deserved it (1436)

On 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I discovered a way to send a massive number of text messages to someone simultaneously, so I decided to do it to my friend as a prank. I quickly noticed that I forgot to disable the delivery notification feature. FML

#20124484
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4649) - you deserved it (35874) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/19/2012 at 5:44pm - misc - by Jugan - France (Rhone-Alpes)

Today, I got to drop off my boyfriend at his newest place of residence: jail. FML

#20127580
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19381) - you deserved it (4659)

On 10/21/2012 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend's new favorite TV show is Law and Order SVU. Now after every episode she insists on asking me if I'm sure I wasn't molested as a kid. She's still on the first season. FML

#20123502
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19946) - you deserved it (1576)

On 10/19/2012 at 2:41am - misc - by soprahb - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and best friend making out. His explanation was that he was trying to stop her from having an allergic reaction to peanut butter. FML

#20118571
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27237) - you deserved it (1798)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:04pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, after therapy for obsessing over every woman who talks to me, all I could think about was how I could seduce my therapist. I think I still need a lot of help. FML

#20133155
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21498) - you deserved it (5324)

On 10/25/2012 at 7:09pm - love - by mental - United States

Today, a one-eyed drunken homeless man followed me around the store I work at, screaming at me because I turned down his sexual advances. My managers and coworkers wouldn't kick him out because they thought it was funny. FML

#20119087
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26894) - you deserved it (1938)

On 10/16/2012 at 12:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

#20134273
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28686) - you deserved it (2791)

On 10/26/2012 at 1:58pm - intimacy - by fiftyshardsofbroccoli (woman) - United States

Today, I was babysitting four kids. I turned the TV on for them, and set the youngest on my lap. She started giggling and pointing at every single pimple I have, exclaiming "Boo-boo!" This went on for half an hour. FML

#20114676
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21275) - you deserved it (2978)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:22am - kids - by Shiverice - United States (Michigan)

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

#20141826
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23003) - you deserved it (1548)

On 10/31/2012 at 5:03pm - work - by SoSoRachel - United States (Illinois)



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