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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while driving with my puppy in the passenger seat, he jumped out of the window. FML

#20124915
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21639) - you deserved it (27439)

On 10/20/2012 at 3:16am - animals - by puppylove - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28773) - you deserved it (7261)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, over a family dinner, my husband and I told everyone that I'm pregnant. My father frowned and said, "Again?", my 9-year-old daughter started crying, and her brother smirked and yelled, "Up the ass, no babies!" FML

#20136968
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27266) - you deserved it (5795)

On 10/28/2012 at 12:44pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

#20097870
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31138) - you deserved it (3845)

On 10/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn to cheer myself up after having recently been dumped. Halfway through wanking the gibbon, I got a horrifyingly painful cramp in my foot, and cried out in pain. Ten seconds later, with my pants still down, my dad rushed in to see if I was okay. FML

#20135660
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28004) - you deserved it (14890)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by whoreticulturalist (man) - United Kingdom (Plymouth)

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

#20109154
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30342) - you deserved it (3482)

On 10/09/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by FarmerGirl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

#20129237
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32062) - you deserved it (1553)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML

#20112154
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22745) - you deserved it (2874)

On 10/11/2012 at 3:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

#20111868
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11465) - you deserved it (29966)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:02am - love - by goodeyesight (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

#20135378
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53184) - you deserved it (2879)

On 10/27/2012 at 11:02am - intimacy - by Monkey (man) - United States

Today, trying to be nice, I asked my little sister how school was. She burst into a temper tantrum and screamed at me to fuck off. She's eight. FML

#20132869
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24860) - you deserved it (2388)

On 10/25/2012 at 3:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my mom decided to wake me up by pouring ice cold water on my face. Again. FML

#20136629
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22318) - you deserved it (4223)

On 10/28/2012 at 6:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29791) - you deserved it (2774)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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