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October 2012

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Today, my aunt brought me a birthday present. I quickly figured out that she'd simply returned the jacket I let her borrow two years ago for my brother's graduation party. It reeks of cigarette smoke and alcohol. FML

by bubblebuttfuckfart / 10/13/2012 at 1:32pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

by Anonymous / 10/29/2012 at 1:59pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a job babysitting two really sweet kids. When their parents left, they told me that their cat had died. I told them how sorry I was, to which one of them replied, "That's okay. We still have him in a box. Wanna see?" FML

by Jessica / 10/18/2012 at 9:57pm / United States / Kids

Today, I was sitting in the park with my new dog; I got her from the pound last week. We were enjoying the sun when I noticed that every time a black person walked past, she'd bark like crazy. Great, my dog is a racist. FML

by Anonymous / 10/02/2012 at 3:10am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I was babysitting, and we were playing a game. Because he was little, I let him win all the games. He then turned to me and said, "You're really bad at this." I got very defensive and won the next game, and was actually proud that I beat a 3-year-old. FML

by amiliaroberts123 / 10/14/2012 at 8:45pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I got a phone call from my 6-year-old son's school telling me they were concerned about him as he wouldn't stop barking at the radiator. After talking to my husband about it, I found out he's been teaching him so he could see the look on my face. FML

by Uproar / 10/17/2012 at 7:00pm / Iceland / Kids

Today, I was complimented for having amazingly lifelike warts as part of my witch costume, and was asked how I achieved the effect so well. I didn't have the heart to admit they were just my pimples under green makeup. FML

by mistickfae / 10/29/2012 at 2:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I passed out while I was with my boyfriend in his garden. I woke up on the concrete just outside his house. Apparently, he'd tried to carry me in, but because he was too weak, he gave up and went to watch TV. FML

by Alice / 10/24/2012 at 12:52pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I saw my music teacher, who I considered one of my role-models, on TV. Too bad it was because she'd robbed a church. FML

by musicthief / 10/22/2012 at 6:51pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, a co-worker gave me a couple of CDs he said he wanted me to listen to. I got excited, thinking that they were playlists he'd made for me. They were self-help tracks. FML

by The Last Cockbender / 10/06/2012 at 1:09pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Work

Today, while in a pharmacy, I walked over to the shaving cream aisle. I picked up a can to smell it and unknowingly pushed the button, spraying an old guy in front of me. He freaked out and started telling everyone that the ceiling above him was leaking. FML

by IndianAngel96 / 10/29/2012 at 6:39pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, a clown came over for my son's 8th birthday party. There was a moment of silence then laughter as everyone realized the clown and I were wearing the same plaid shirt. FML

by Randolph / 10/14/2012 at 10:24pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, the person that interviewed me for a job was the same person I called a "fat bitch" at a baseball game after she knocked over my drink while she was dancing. She recognized me too. FML

by leafscupwin / 10/16/2012 at 12:16am / Canada (Ontario) / Work