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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

#20103879
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22998) - you deserved it (3179)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:28am - health - by EastOneTen - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that the main reason he was dating me was because he was intimidated by pretty girls. FML

#20097040
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26161) - you deserved it (2101)

On 10/01/2012 at 5:09pm - love - by Lisa - United States (New York)

Today, while at my job as a hairdresser, I was giving an elderly client a perm and I thought she'd fallen asleep. She'd died. FML

#20102415
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50379) - you deserved it (2174)

On 10/05/2012 at 1:49am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband decided that he simply couldn't exist any longer without giving me his own version of a wet-willy. He creeped up on me as I was sleeping and wiggled his wet penis around in my ear. FML

#20115322
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29423) - you deserved it (3657)

On 10/13/2012 at 5:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

#20096195
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26370) - you deserved it (6682)

On 10/01/2012 at 12:23am - love - by SorryUncleTommy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML

#20117813
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34965) - you deserved it (2689)

On 10/15/2012 at 8:10am - intimacy - by scarred_sibling - United States

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

#20098216
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13262) - you deserved it (25368)

On 10/02/2012 at 10:42am - love - by Queso Dog (woman) - Japan

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

#20135128
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23824) - you deserved it (3588)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has secretly been conditioning me to get turned on by the smell of bananas. Guess whose new co-worker peels a nice, fragrant banana five times a day. FML

#20139261
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31801) - you deserved it (3081)

On 10/29/2012 at 8:42pm - intimacy - by SadExperiment (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad saw on TV that in some parts of Africa, it's not uncommon for people to attach make-shift flamethrowers to their cars to defend against carjackers. He's now lost his mind and is forcing me to help him put one together to scare off Jehovah's Witnesses. FML

#20124199
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18002) - you deserved it (2014)

On 10/19/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Watchtower? More like fortress. (man) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

#20109382
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22744) - you deserved it (3495)

On 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm - kids - by fionnathehuman - United States

Today, I was walking with my boyfriend when a guy walked up to me and told me I look exactly like Taylor Swift. My boyfriend punched him in the face and told him that Taylor Swift is a lot more attractive. I'm actually considering leaving him for the complete stranger. FML

#20130143
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33042) - you deserved it (2880)

On 10/23/2012 at 6:12pm - misc - by jeanrose2013 - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went on a blind date. Sadly, I wasn't blind enough. FML

#20111868
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11054) - you deserved it (29212)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:02am - love - by goodeyesight (man) - Brazil (Sao Paulo)



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