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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work as a massage therapist, I pulled down the guy's blanket slightly to massage his lower back. There were shit stains spreading from his ass crack all the way to his mid-back. When I told him, he wanted me to massage there anyway. FML

#20127667
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26171) - you deserved it (1324)

On 10/22/2012 at 12:07am - work - by Lunazel93 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

#20109154
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20868) - you deserved it (2143)

On 10/09/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by FarmerGirl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

#20098216
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11128) - you deserved it (22096)

On 10/02/2012 at 10:42am - love - by Queso Dog (woman) - Japan

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (2949)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

#20101222
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22288) - you deserved it (2368)

On 10/04/2012 at 10:44am - love - by Dave (man) - United States

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

#20127252
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5413) - you deserved it (48798)

On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my four roommates and I contracted lice. While all our heads were slathered in mayonnaise and saran wrap, our building's fire alarm went off. FML

#20103879
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19665) - you deserved it (2781)

On 10/06/2012 at 3:28am - health - by EastOneTen - United States

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

#20109382
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17451) - you deserved it (2819)

On 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm - kids - by fionnathehuman - United States

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

#20111577
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22429) - you deserved it (1396)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:56am - love - by agh marriage (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I woke up after having a dream which included sex with a very hot guy. I realized it's about time I get laid, because the hot guy was Brock from Pokémon. FML

#20119984
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21347) - you deserved it (4098)

On 10/16/2012 at 6:59pm - intimacy - by L (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

#20135128
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18835) - you deserved it (3008)

On 10/27/2012 at 3:20am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, a parent was too busy texting to notice her child had run in front of a moving truck. She did however see me grab the child's backpack to yank him back out of traffic. She then screamed at me for "manhandling" her child and demanded I be fired. It's not even my school; I'm a part time sub. FML

#20129237
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25039) - you deserved it (1060)

On 10/22/2012 at 11:51pm - work - by bad samaritan (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got back my history paper. The whole paper had been crossed out and at the end, my professor had written "Really?!" I still don't know what I did wrong. FML



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