Choose the period

All time / Top of the month / Top of the week / Top of the day
October 2012

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

by SorryUncleTommy / 10/01/2012 at 12:23am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

by OhMeGerd / 10/05/2012 at 10:56am / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous

Today, at work, my boss asked me why I wasn't adhering to proper dress code. I pointed out that skinny jeans are in the dress code, to which he replied, "Only if you're skinny." FML

by Anonymous / 10/05/2012 at 12:40pm / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

by Queso Dog / 10/02/2012 at 10:42am / Japan / Love

Today, my coworker and I were sitting and eating lunch. We noticed a little kid kept staring at us, and every time we looked away he would come a little bit closer. When he was right behind us, I looked and was startled enough to jump. The parents were three tables down laughing uncontrollably. FML

by radioinvader / 10/28/2012 at 8:29am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I found out that my daughter has a hit list. There are over thirty names on there. My name is on it as well. FML

by Anonymous / 10/27/2012 at 3:20am / United States / Kids

Today, I was placed firmly in the friend-zone. By my wife. We've been married 10 years. She doesn't want a divorce, she says it'd be too "time-consuming." FML

by agh marriage / 10/11/2012 at 1:56am / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I got a call from my son's school saying to pick him up because he'd shat his pants. He's in high school. FML

by Mike / 10/16/2012 at 4:07am / United States / Kids

Today, my boyfriend found a take-out menu under my bed. It's probably been there for months. He looked at it and said, "Well, that explains a lot." FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2012 at 5:58am / South Africa (Western Cape) / Love

Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML

by afraidofcans / 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, someone stole the massive pumpkin I've been painstakingly growing all year. What did they do with it? They put it in the middle of a busy intersection. FML

Today, my dad watched the news and decided to start preparing for Hurricane Sandy by buying $300 worth of long-life and canned food. We live in Australia. FML

by StormSeason / 10/29/2012 at 8:03am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that at age 54, I'm no longer young enough to go commando anymore. Every time I sneezed today, I peed myself. FML

by Darla / 10/05/2012 at 4:14am / United States (California) / Health