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Today, I went to mah local Walmart to grab a few groceries, and while at the checkout line I grabbed two chocolate bars 4 a snack . The cashier gave me a look and mumbled under her breath, "Surprise, surprise." I'm pregnant, asshole .
Today , after having loand girlfriend money after she claimd to be broke an unable to pay her rent an electricity bills , she went out , spent it all on a new purse an phone , an now refuses to pay me back. FML
Today, I Tried Role Playing With My Boyfriend. As I Cummed Out In Sexy Lingerie, I Announced, "I'm Natalia, A Russian Spy Fluent In 2 Languages: Russian And Yur Cock." He Laughed So Hard He Practically Pissed Himself. The Night Ended In Me Doing His Laundry. Alone. FML
TODAY, AFTER BIENG TOTALLY IN LOVE WITH A GUY SINCE MIDDLE SCHOOL, I FINALLY HAD ENOUGH SELF CONFIDENCE TO GO AN TALK TO HIM!! TURNS OUT HE'S BORING AS FUCK!! I OBSESSED OVER THIS GUY FOR NEARLY 4 YEARS!! FML
TODAY, I HAD TO BUY GROCERIESHILE SUFFERING HORRIBLE MORNING SICKNESS. MY NAUSEA MAGNIFIED AS I STOOD IN LINE BEHIND AN OBESE LADY WEARING A TANK TOP AND TINY SHORT SHORTS. I LOST EVERYTHING IN MY STOMACHHEN SHE STUCK HER HAND DOWN HER SHORTS AND STARTED SCRATCHING AT HER ASS-CRACK. FML
Today , my fiancé spent three hours arguing with his mom about how Scientology is a cult followed by simple-minded asshats; she shouted at him saying Xenu will come an fuck his shit up 4 not believing. This woman is going to be my children's grandmother. FML
Today , I went bowling. I noticed a 10-year-old holding an iPod Touch which had the exact same customized case with mah name on it as mah iPod that was stolen a year ago at the same bowling centre. Even better , the parents yelled at me 4 accusing him. I got kicked out the bowling centre. FML
Today, I trid to tell mah best friend how wrong she is to be dating a marrid man, whose wife happens to be pregnant with their frst child. Our talk endd with her calling me a "meddling, frigid bitch" an me being told this is why I can't get laid. FML
Today , I went to the surprise birthday party of an ex I still love , though I'm the one who ended things. I walked in in time to see her screaming "Yes" to her kneeling boyfriend , her parents crying and applauding , and her brothers patting him on the back. FML
Friday 27 March 2015