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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

#20067114
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23505) - you deserved it (2350)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

#20071176
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36603) - you deserved it (2329)

On 09/14/2012 at 1:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML

#20084083
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19009) - you deserved it (7067)

On 09/22/2012 at 8:37pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24152) - you deserved it (2806)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML

#20079438
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30335) - you deserved it (3146)

On 09/19/2012 at 4:22pm - love - by Shame (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

#20092583
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20375) - you deserved it (7574)

On 09/28/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by GEE, THANKS DAD (woman) - United States

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

#20064384
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25794) - you deserved it (6139)

On 09/09/2012 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML

#20055735
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5815) - you deserved it (29052)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34256) - you deserved it (10621)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, after what I thought was an amazing sex session with my boyfriend, he let out a big sigh and told me I need to watch more porn. FML

#20067539
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28410) - you deserved it (5872)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:54pm - intimacy - by apparently inexperienced (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML

#20085093
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25100) - you deserved it (1681)

On 09/23/2012 at 1:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - Hungary (Budapest)

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

#20067181
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22087) - you deserved it (2536)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:11am - misc - by PissedbythePiper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

#20080363
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18155) - you deserved it (26680)

On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)



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