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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

#20057573
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18894) - you deserved it (3577)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm - animals - by badwolf (man) - United States

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12014) - you deserved it (44810)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28768) - you deserved it (3100)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. Yesterday, I finally came to my senses and started using birth control. FML

#20074444
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8005) - you deserved it (52915)

On 09/16/2012 at 11:32am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, an incredibly rude woman came in for a hairdressing appointment. I had to put up with being yelled at and called a "clumsy bitch," a "pleb," and other insults for almost half an hour. When I finally managed to finish her hair, instead of tipping me, she spat at my feet and stormed out. FML

#20093857
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24212) - you deserved it (1894)

On 09/29/2012 at 4:34pm - misc - by scumdresser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18013) - you deserved it (23336)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19755) - you deserved it (7088)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, I found a tiny, featherless baby bird. I knew it was impossible, but I tried to keep it alive through the day. Before I could get it to the wildlife center, it died, and when I got all choked up over it, my mom started laughing at me and saying how "weak" I was. FML

#20077707
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23683) - you deserved it (4112)

On 09/18/2012 at 12:19pm - animals - by Birdwatcher (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my boyfriend's transition into an annoying hipster is complete. It started with the not-really-necessary nerd glasses and the Mötley Crüe t-shirt, the final straw being the affected British accent. I'm considering where to dump the body. FML

#20086118
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24121) - you deserved it (2735)

On 09/24/2012 at 1:07am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I took a pregnancy test. I was disappointed it was negative, as my fiancé and I have been together for four years and have a strong relationship. He danced with happiness when he discovered the test was negative and tried to high-five me. FML

#20094767
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12548) - you deserved it (23417)

On 09/30/2012 at 5:30am - love - by BeforeItWasCool - United Kingdom

Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML

#20081849
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26815) - you deserved it (3117)

On 09/21/2012 at 6:57am - work - by scarred for life - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML

#20084737
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27249) - you deserved it (10867)

On 09/23/2012 at 7:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

#20080101
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26310) - you deserved it (5321)

On 09/19/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by ClaireBear150 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)



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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

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