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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32061) - you deserved it (5411)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend really does have a problem with my upper-lip hair. I woke up this morning to him ripping a wax strip off of my face. All he could say after I stopped shrieking was that he had hoped it wouldn't wake me up. FML

#20060710
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22893) - you deserved it (9184)

On 09/06/2012 at 5:50pm - love - by WaxOnWaxOff - United States (Colorado)

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

#20089553
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29763) - you deserved it (2174)

On 09/26/2012 at 1:07pm - love - by sucker (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, my girlfriend noticed that I looked upset and asked me what was wrong. I told her I was sexually frustrated. Her response? "What are you telling me for?" FML

#20055368
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27276) - you deserved it (5035)

On 09/03/2012 at 5:45am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I found out why the girl I like won't give me the time of day. Apparently, I called her ugly and pushed her into a puddle when we were in kindergarten. FML

#20091625
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18469) - you deserved it (28168)

On 09/27/2012 at 10:41pm - love - by thatwas10yearsago (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20995) - you deserved it (49735)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I bought some bitter-apple spray to stop my puppy chewing on everything. Later, I found out how effective it was, when I tried to eat a sandwich, and gagged at the horrifying taste on my hands. My dog seems unaffected, and continues to chew the table legs. FML

#20057573
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21281) - you deserved it (3883)

On 09/04/2012 at 4:34pm - animals - by badwolf (man) - United States

Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML

#20067220
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36318) - you deserved it (2855)

On 09/11/2012 at 3:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my wife knows tattoos are a huge turnoff for me. She decided the best way to change my mind about them would be to get one. Across her neck. Of our dog's name. FML

#20069857
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29104) - you deserved it (3118)

On 09/13/2012 at 2:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

#20057669
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (1817)

On 09/04/2012 at 5:38pm - health - by Emma - United States (Missouri)

Today, a stranger called me, saying I look hot in the bra I was wearing. When I hung up, thinking it was a joke, I opened the back door, and saw a man running away from my backyard. FML

#20079219
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32034) - you deserved it (2114)

On 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm - misc - by jitiizer (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, an incredibly rude woman came in for a hairdressing appointment. I had to put up with being yelled at and called a "clumsy bitch," a "pleb," and other insults for almost half an hour. When I finally managed to finish her hair, instead of tipping me, she spat at my feet and stormed out. FML

#20093857
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26707) - you deserved it (2103)

On 09/29/2012 at 4:34pm - misc - by scumdresser (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I'm so broke that I hand-washed my socks with a bar of soap that I stole from work. FML

#20058884
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28066) - you deserved it (2902)

On 09/05/2012 at 2:27pm - money - by Lauraborealous - Canada (Alberta)



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