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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex. Right as she orgasmed, she screamed out Megatron's name. When I later confronted her about this, she said that she always had a crush on him and wanted to be queen of the Decepticons. I've been dating this lunatic for a year and half now. FML

#20056354
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20842) - you deserved it (26469)

On 09/03/2012 at 9:02pm - intimacy - by Loserbot (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my step-brother had some serious bowel distress and rushed to the bathroom. Because he forgot to quit his group chat with his buddies, I quickly found out that the reason he's so over-protective, and hostile to my male friends, is because he wants to get into my pants. FML

#20085042
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29151) - you deserved it (2216)

On 09/23/2012 at 12:50pm - misc - by creepedasfuck (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I got stopped by the fuzz. The officer told me he "could care less" about my excuses. He was probably about to let me go without a ticket, but my inner Grammar Nazi kicked in and I explained why he meant to say "couldn't care less." I got the ticket. FML

#20075636
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8693) - you deserved it (44543)

On 09/17/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by GN (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying on one of my little black dresses and heels. He wanted to "see what the fuss was about." I would have been angry if the sight of him dressed like this hadn't turned me on more than he ever has in the 3 years we've been dating. FML

#20080101
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30036) - you deserved it (5828)

On 09/19/2012 at 11:09pm - intimacy - by ClaireBear150 (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, as a pizza delivery guy, I was forced to see yet another naked 200 pound teenage girl with a serious case of body acne. They're starting to give me nightmares. FML

#20081849
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30257) - you deserved it (3489)

On 09/21/2012 at 6:57am - work - by scarred for life - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

#20071299
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23090) - you deserved it (13715)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:26am - love - by TallGal (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

#20090663
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23337) - you deserved it (6891) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/27/2012 at 12:10am - health - by Display - Sent from mobile version

Today, I came home from work to be given $1 by my mother. This normally would have been nice, had my mother not said, "I just sold that ugly old black and white picture frame you always leave lying around in your room." Which also would have been nice if that "frame" wasn't my Kindle. FML

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33270) - you deserved it (5562)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

#20081762
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25368) - you deserved it (13582)

On 09/21/2012 at 3:31am - misc - by RawrSparkle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

#20054504
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29764) - you deserved it (7092)

On 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm - love - by anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was in a mall bathroom when two girls started making out in the stall next to me. Before I could leave, they got really into it and caused our shared wall to tear from its hinges and collapse on top of me. FML

#20067220
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37309) - you deserved it (2923)

On 09/11/2012 at 3:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, after months of believing my marriage has been better than ever, I found out that my husband has been cheating on me with our neighbor. I can't afford to move, and I have to see the fake-titted homewrecker every day. FML

#20089553
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32073) - you deserved it (2318)

On 09/26/2012 at 1:07pm - love - by sucker (woman) - United States (Vermont)



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