Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24412) - you deserved it (1502)
On 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by MistressSuzuka (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I decided to look for the horrid stench coming from my bathroom. It turns out my roommate has been throwing away her used tampons in the "trashcan by the sink." That "trashcan" is my old antique vase. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17662) - you deserved it (1539)
On 09/18/2012 at 7:56am - misc - by raesos91 - United States (Texas)
Today, my tire blew while I was on the freeway. I had to change the tire in pouring rain while wearing short shorts and flip-flops. No one stopped to help, but several people politely honked as if to remind me of my misfortune. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13982) - you deserved it (2088)
On 09/08/2012 at 12:47am - misc - by wonder woman (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19030) - you deserved it (1138)
On 09/24/2012 at 4:15am - love - by Alright. (woman) - United States (Montana)
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20380) - you deserved it (4672)
On 09/02/2012 at 6:31pm - love - by anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I went to my dentist of four years. After the cleaning, the hygienist and I scheduled my next appointment, and she briefly left the room, leaving my file open on the computer. The data in a field called "NOTE" caught my eye: "Sissy. Freak. Always late. Ask about family or will flirt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6255) - you deserved it (16054)
On 09/20/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, I made a Facebook status asking if anyone wanted to hang out. A couple hours later, I logged back in, only find the status with no likes and only one comment. The comment said "no-one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (14778) - you deserved it (4946)
On 09/29/2012 at 11:28am - misc - by Robert - United States (California)
Today, I went out clubbing with a few friends. A cute guy pointed at me from the bar and motioned for me to come over. I was excited and did just that. Turns out he just wanted to ask me if I'd thought about seeing a doctor for my jaundice. No, I just overdid my spray tan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3752) - you deserved it (18726)
On 09/03/2012 at 1:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, my girlfriend had a bitch fit at me because I laughed at her idea of getting the Cullen family tree tattooed on her back. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22911) - you deserved it (2473)
On 09/19/2012 at 4:22pm - love - by Shame (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (12869) - you deserved it (3773)
On 09/24/2012 at 3:35pm - work - by martinaaah - United States (Washington)
Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15662) - you deserved it (1619)
On 09/11/2012 at 2:11am - misc - by PissedbythePiper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4004) - you deserved it (18896)
On 09/15/2012 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my little sister came home crying because someone had shown her a video about the Slender Man. Trying to calm her down, I explained to her that he wasn't real, just like Santa Claus. She looked up at me and said "Santa's not real?" It's been 3 hours, and she hasn't stopped crying. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8242) - you deserved it (17240)
On 09/02/2012 at 6:07am - kids - by The Horrible Older Sister - United States (Arizona)
Monday 17 June 2013
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