Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

#20080363
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18234) - you deserved it (26752)

On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

#20067181
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22216) - you deserved it (2545)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:11am - misc - by PissedbythePiper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

#20053590
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12936) - you deserved it (34748)

On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, I saw a dog trying to attack a man. I have experience working with aggressive dogs, so I pulled the dog off him and got it under control. The man punched me in the face for not having my dog on a leash. It wasn't my dog. I don't even own a dog. FML

#20090883
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30522) - you deserved it (1862)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:31am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

#20084035
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17314) - you deserved it (2678)

On 09/22/2012 at 7:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML

#20086279
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27338) - you deserved it (1891)

On 09/24/2012 at 4:15am - love - by Alright. (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13083) - you deserved it (24846)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

#20055119
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5394) - you deserved it (31269)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:24am - money - by DrunkenShopper (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad wants me to spray a wasp nest, because I'm the fittest family member and can run the fastest. The wasps are already angry, and I'm allergic to them. FML

#20052266
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25113) - you deserved it (1620)

On 09/01/2012 at 10:09am - health - by iliveintexas - United States (Texas)

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

#20072637
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24440) - you deserved it (2444)

On 09/15/2012 at 7:07am - health - by Leashaness (woman) - United States

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

#20070700
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32220) - you deserved it (7673)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by blueballs (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie replies #1
  • Hello all you crybabies, from Land's End to John o' Groats. Yes, I'm finally here my lovelies. Since last week, my inbox hasn't stopped humming with the noise of new mail dropping into it, letters full…

Friday 31 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: