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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML

Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML

Today, I helped my friend, who is a slob, move out of my house. I found the source of the funky smell she's been complaining about, under her bed. It was her vibrator. I found it with my bare hands. I had to bleach my hands twice and I still don't feel clean. FML

#20081199
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34833) - you deserved it (2550)

On 09/20/2012 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by MistressSuzuka (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up feeling ecstatic, because last night, my crush had told my best friend he likes me a lot. I sent him a text message telling him the feeling is mutual. A little while after sending it, it hit me that his confession had only been part of a dream. FML

#20073337
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32520) - you deserved it (7027)

On 09/15/2012 at 6:16pm - love - by hannah (woman) - New Zealand (Marlborough)

Today, while working security at a welfare office, I had to listen as a claimant gushed about her upcoming Caribbean cruise. I work two jobs and haven't had a vacation since 2006. FML

#20092291
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25785) - you deserved it (1849)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:40pm - work - by getajob (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I unintentionally moaned during my prostate exam. FML

#20092313
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35803) - you deserved it (7063)

On 09/28/2012 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Netherlands (Gelderland)

Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13088) - you deserved it (24859)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

#20054806
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24717) - you deserved it (2159)

On 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

#20092583
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21846) - you deserved it (7901)

On 09/28/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by GEE, THANKS DAD (woman) - United States

Today, I was so happy to be leaving the hospital after breaking my arm the night before. Just as I walked out of the doors, a huge ambulance team was running in at the same time and knocked me down full force. I now have a broken ankle. FML

#20091853
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30522) - you deserved it (2308)

On 09/28/2012 at 1:34am - health - by red_headforlife - United States (Arizona)

Today, my wife made up her own theme song for when she pees in the shower. FML

#20056463
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21850) - you deserved it (2895)

On 09/03/2012 at 10:08pm - misc - by weave9z (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, in the middle of what had to be the most amazing blowjob I've ever had in my life, my girlfriend had a mental breakdown and began weeping on top of my cock. FML

#20070700
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32248) - you deserved it (7675)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by blueballs (man) - United States (California)



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