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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML

#20071176
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31365) - you deserved it (1928)

On 09/14/2012 at 1:28am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I told a girl that she had very pretty eyes. I then had to rinse pepper spray from my own. FML

#20059533
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17130) - you deserved it (1533)

On 09/05/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25630) - you deserved it (7440)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

#20067114
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20101) - you deserved it (2042)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML

#20071956
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18027) - you deserved it (1897)

On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, after my annoying neighbor who used to spend hours playing the cello in the apartment below me finally moved out, I found out that I have a new musical neighbor moving in. This fellow plays the bagpipes. FML

#20067181
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18933) - you deserved it (2192)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:11am - misc - by PissedbythePiper (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML

#20092583
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16483) - you deserved it (6763)

On 09/28/2012 at 6:21pm - misc - by GEE, THANKS DAD (woman) - United States

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

#20080363
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16380) - you deserved it (24394)

On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

#20053590
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10950) - you deserved it (31580)

On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend has a three day break from work. This would be great if he hadn't just told me he's having a Guild Wars 2 marathon. Now all I have to look forward to is slow wifi and anguished screams every time his character dies. FML

#20084035
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14984) - you deserved it (2388)

On 09/22/2012 at 7:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML

#20086279
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22930) - you deserved it (1560)

On 09/24/2012 at 4:15am - love - by Alright. (woman) - United States (Montana)

Today, the acne on one side of my face has flared up at the corners of my mouth, making me look just like The Joker. FML



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