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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my thirteen-year-old daughter tried to scratch the freckles off of her face. We ended up going to the hospital. FML

#20067114
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26006) - you deserved it (2553)

On 09/11/2012 at 12:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

#20080363
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20370) - you deserved it (29834)

On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

#20062588
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15676) - you deserved it (31968)

On 09/08/2012 at 12:03am - intimacy - by sasquatch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36900) - you deserved it (11392)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, after meeting my girlfriend's family and trying my hardest to impress them, she told me that they came up with a nickname for me. My new name is "Matt the Doormat." FML

#20087864
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19953) - you deserved it (2985)

On 09/25/2012 at 8:13am - misc - by oreoblizzard619 (man) - United States

Today, I got fired for saving my company upwards of $6,000. I'm as confused as you are. FML

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, I was apparently really loud, because when we finished I heard his mom and grandma sarcastically imitating me outside. FML

#20053590
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14054) - you deserved it (36661)

On 09/02/2012 at 2:41am - intimacy - by screamer - United States (California)

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

#20083004
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34686) - you deserved it (2838)

On 09/22/2012 at 12:54am - love - by Flighted (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while trying to rouse my sleeping boyfriend for some morning sex, he came. FML

#20064384
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28644) - you deserved it (6534)

On 09/09/2012 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

#20088451
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26316) - you deserved it (2865)

On 09/25/2012 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up to a bunch of email notifications confirming all the drunken purchases I made last night on Amazon. Most of them can't be cancelled. This is the fourth time in a month. An "ironic" wolf-howling-at-the-moon t-shirt anyone? FML

#20055119
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6606) - you deserved it (34658)

On 09/03/2012 at 1:24am - money - by DrunkenShopper (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

#20075207
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32735) - you deserved it (4250)

On 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm - love - by painfetish8021 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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